I'm done with everything and everyone. I'm done with caring, worrying, loving, feeling, wanting, needing, obsessing over, and becoming attached. I'm simply done. This whole year has been plagued with nothing but horribly insane bullshit. I'm done with this year also. It's one thing after another. More and more bullshit, pain, hurting, and loathing. I'm sick of it. I'm sick to death of it. Suicide has been on my mind again. So has running away. I'm 21, but still it would be technically running away. Running away from: Parents. Untrue friends. People I can't and will never have. Myself. I'm so ill of this life. I'm so sick. And tired. And depressed. And hurt. It keeps going on. I will be cold from now on. Cold. Ice. It hurts too much. And it keeps hurting. Apparently my heart never gets enough of pain. Always hungry for more. It's not them. It's me. I know this. I know what a bad person I am. I know best of all. I can't fix anything anymore. I can't piece it all back together. I can't do it. I keep trying and time after time I fail. It's my own fault. I create these messes. These mistakes. These heart-breaking situations. It's my own fault. I know this. I know that too. Why did P have to walk me to my next class? Why? Doesn't he know I'm trying with all my might to get over this crush I have on him? Doesn't he know? I wanted to strangle him for walking and talking with me. My heart doesn't need to be teased anymore. One more disappointment and I think my heart will actually break. It's lonely enough now as it is. I can't help but like him. He's funny and arrogant and jockish and preppish and cute and nice and everything. I can't wait until this semester is over. I'm breaking and I'm breaking fast. I'm so sick of rejection and pain. It's not even really about anyone or anything. It's about me. I can't fix myself. I wish I was a machine and all I had to do was order a new part. I can't fix it. I passed K today. He was kicking some game. I didn't want to disrupt his lines. He didn't even smile. Nor wave. He's two-faced. I can tell. He reminds me of too many untrustworthy people I've met in my life. I think I'll leave him alone for good. It's easy to avoid him. He's not in class with me. I don't see him for almost an hour and a half three times a week in a class I can't pay attention in anyways. Damn P. Damn K. And damn me for feeling all of this useless shit. Done.