FALSE HOPE. unfixable. the entire situation. is completely fucked. screwed. hard against the concrete wall. nails digging into my skin would be. more enjoyable. more appealing. then this. then my heart. snapping. like a weak. and pressured twig. breaking. broke. lying in ruins. inside of my chest. dead to the world. and dead to me. MONTHS. "its pretty bad" MONTHS. she has months. months. and maybe a few more. if she wants treatment. CHEMOTHERAPY. and the side effects. the illness. the sickness. FUCKING MONTHS. what are months. but weeks. what are weeks. but days. what are days. but quickly dying minutes. FUCKING MONTHS. and i can't heal her. and i can't hold her. and tell her it will all be okay. there is no longer okay. or fine. or soon. there are months. left. for her. o my heart has broken. when the words came from his lips. o my heart was broken. shattered. torn apart and thrown down. pieces. nothing but pieces. scattered on the floor of the CANCER CENTER. o my poor mother. my poor flesh and bone. my poor giver of life. my poor light. i grieve now. and it's not even time. THERE ARE WORSE THINGS TO COME. what words are there left to write. or to say. what words can make it all disappear. into the night. the shadows. waiting. NONE. there are no more words. for what it is i feel. for this hell beating in my chest. with each unhappy breath. there are no more words. for what it is i fear. creeping along side us as she sleeps. inside my soul does weep. it is not for myself that the pain is deep. it's for her. for her pain. and fear. and disappointment. that it all faded so quickly. before her hands could grasp. the edge. long enough to stay safe. and still. and happy. o how could you do this to us, death? how could you come and take away the only thing we both have? my heart is broke. dfn.