another night of drinking and getting loaded and getting demanding and getting touched on by some gaykid who had nothing better to do. and one more night of drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking. and struggling to remember all of the details and feeling sick and feeling wasted and feeling ashamed and depressed about another night of the same old fucking thing. and its getting tiring. and its getting old. so old. so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so fucking old. and tiring. i cant keep up. and the pain in my leg is getting worse. and one would think id learn a lesson. one would think anyway. so i seen and met. rat. cevan. sylvia. peter. johnny. will. lulu. and so on and so forth. and i need to stay home for awhile. i need to get over this need for alcohol. i need to get over this need for drinking. i need to get over this. i have a problem. i do believe ive in the speed of it all become an alcoholic again. and i need time to get better.