Moodless and musicless. Well the concert came and went. Dave Matthews is a pretty good band. I like fiddlers. Short review of events: SEB and I spent 3 hours in a car. Followed some guy named Mattie. Arrive at hotel. Unpack. Change. Wash up. Eat dinner. And leave. Drive to concert. Laugh. Talk. Finally get in concert area. Get searched by an unofficial narc. Walk around a lot. Sweat. Finally buy some Smirnoff Triple Blacks. Get a little lit. Find our lawn seats and settle in. Watch concert. 'FUN' Leave concert really fast. Speed along the highway. Get momentarily lost. Finally arrive back at hotel. Drink my Vodka alone. Get lit as hell. Spend time talking to Mattie and J and SEB. Finally pass out from either boredom, sleepiness, or alcohol. Wake up. Eat. Go to some really big mall. Walk around. Get extremely bored. Finally leave for home. 2 hours later, we're home. So that's it. Not much of a tale, but it was enjoyable. My self-esteem got shoved to the ground again. There are so many beautiful males and females in the world I'm sure I am destined to be alone. Beautiful people only love beautiful people. I, to my disappointment, am not beautiful. It makes me feel so sad. I actually thought for a moment I was going to cry at the mall. Just thinking about everyone else and the wonderful lives they have, it hurts. It hurts to know that I am such a fuck up. Not just a fuck up, but an ugly fuck up. No one will ever love me. Not really. I'm easy to let go of. I'm disposable. Every person I've ever met in my life usually goes away. Usually forgets about me. It seems like no matter what I do, I'm always left behind and forgotten. It hurts to know that no one really cares about you. Damnit, now I'm all depressed and shit. My life sucks. I suck. I give up on everything. Anything and everything. I give up on love. On happiness. On dreams and wishes. I just give up. I feel like screaming. Screaming until I die. SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG It's my own fault I'm so alone. It's my own damned fault. Doomed. That's what I am. Fucking doomed. Done for now.