I'm not afraid of the really big things like: Death. Fire. Auto Crashes. Police. Jail Time. Etc. I am afraid of all the little things like: Losing my only real good friend. Falling back into old habits. Forgetting to always think before I speak. Losing weight. Gaining weight. Gaining mental burden. Failing. Quitting. Waiting to long for love. No waiting long enough. Regret. Forgetting everyone I've ever known Forgetting the good times. Dwelling too long on the bad times. Hating my mother. Hating myself. Hate. I am afraid of all the little things that make up life. Not that I'll stop living, but still. My mind is constantly analizing everything a million times. It never stops. Not even when I sleep. Constantly the wheels in my head are spinning. Some day they will spin out of control and I will let go of all my will power. I will say the things I've always meant to say. I will scream. I will tell them all what I really think. I will let everyone see who I really am. Until than I shall nod and smile. Pretend that I am okay. Pretend that it is all fine. I wish I could really explain what it is that makes me feel the way I feel all the time. They label it 'depression,' but what they fail to understand is that I'm not really depressed. Sure, I'm a little dark and gloomy all the time, but not everyone is meant to be a cheerleader. I just don't have it in me to be one of the crowd. Honestly, I prefer to walk alone. That way I always know what's going on and how I can get out of whatever trouble I get into. I ramble. It never ends. I'm done.