relax. breathe.inhale.exhale.inhale.exhale. lean back. ****** iwillstopstealingfood. i. will. because. its wrong. and. its just out of habit. and. i wont need to after tomorrow. i hope. ********** im waiting for some sign of something to come. a sign that will tell me which way to move. which way to go on my journey of life. and. all that deep.shit. george is still a favorite person of mine. i wish i had more time to drink.and.smoke.and.what.not. borders takes up a lot of my life.time. and. i guess its allright because i dont really mind. it coudl be worse. i could be back in time and all alone again. as i was when i first got here. and. sarah and i dont talk anymore. mainly because i dont call. i assume. and. i do talk about her in a negative.light a lot. but. its only because im still bitter about her treatment of me. and. i do want my mothers lighter case. so we will have to meet up soon. not to mention i do have her computer. which. i dont ever plan on paying for. not more then 250. of course. it isnt worth 400. and i refuse to pay such a fee. so the internet and i will be parted soon once again. o well. there are worse things then hell. *********************** i dont call to speak to danielle because shes let me down. and. im tired of disappointing people who do nothing but disappoint. shes a prostitute in a massage parlor. because shes too fucking lazy to actually do anything. but look pretty. and. she isnt even pretty. shes mild. shes a wannabeblackchick with too much makeup on. and. she doesnt even realize. ******************************* ive got to make a move soon. a new move to a new thing. ill admit i chickened out and havent called darlene or shawn yet. im a bit frightened of rejection. a bad habit i know i must abandon if i ever want to truly become something. I AM MEANT FOR GRAND THINGS. its just a matter of making it there. alive. in one piece. still breathing. ________________________________ maybe someday my heart wont feel so neglected. maybe someday ill find someone to belong too. maybe someday ill feel better about myself. maybe someday the guilt constantly gnawing on my soul will eventually leave. maybe someday. but. someday never comes. **************************** payday is tomorrow. amen.