hours worked. and more to work. until friday. weekend. the rotting odor of chemicals. melting my mind. peace i cannot find. etc. make a memo. i'm done here. my time is spent and tired and worn all the way down to the bone. the flesh has been gone for months. i've been holding onto dreams and schemes. trying to make it all last. nothing goes forever. especially. the good times. the bad times. hold on. the good let go. because it's all better that way. and this way. and the other way. and it doesn't matter a fuck either way. because i need out. i need gone from here. off this state and out of this town. no more clowning around. and lying to myself. it will not get any better because nothing can get better in this kind of climate. i'd like to think that i could make it work. and make it all something more. but it won't be. can't be. don't you see? no. i don't either. the truth is just a shadow dancing across my brain. everything here is lame. and i feel completely untamed. my rage is clear. my anger more driving. persistent. pushing. i have no one here. no one. and i am fine with that. and i'll be even better once i'm 3000 miles away. the rest here can screw themselves to the wall and forget about life on the outside of this prison cell. the walls of this town are suffocating. relentless. born here. live here. work here. age here. die here. of one form of cancer or another. cancer. it spells itself in my sleep. i think of her every waking moment. from dusk until horrible dawn. she's on my mind. alive. i cannot rest easy here. my time is spent. my run has ran and is done. i can't push it away and ignore it. i need a new life. a new life not here. unfortunately in a way. i'll miss this little shelter of mine. but not for long i'm sure. i am giving myself a month and 15 days. i will be gone by then or else. or else. i'll have to try more drastic measures. i will not remain and maintain anything here. i don't want too. and i won't. fuck this game. fuck these fakes. and liars. and untrue. fuck these people. and if you have a problem fuck you too. you only live once. and i will not waste another decade here wishing i had lived at all. i will not rest quietly chained to this decaying rotting horrible wall. fuck erie PA.