(Mondays are hell indeed) I've been wasting my life. I've been wasting it for some time now. I went and seen L yesterday, well last night. It was the usual kind of visit. She had a need. I had a need. It was a mutual agreement. (And no, it's not about sex.) I heard from Keith today. E mail. I'm not thrilled or anything. His message was boring. Which is odd, given Keith's personality. He's probably writing more out of need than want. It doesn't matter. I've let him and everyone else go. There will be no more wasted brain energy on anyone, other than myself. Because I am the most important person in my life. (Go figure) I've decided that this diary is boring. So boring. My life consists of nothing it seems. Nothing worth letting other people know anyways. (Pause) I don't know and I'm sick of guessing or pretending to know. Dani called awhile ago. I should call her back soon. I will. I don't like to leave people hanging. No, wait, I usually do just not tonight. I feel like relaxing and smoking a bit. Maybe watch the rest of the movie I started. HOUSE OF A THOUSAND CORPSES. O, it's a thriller. It's got all the great horror movie material. Bimbos. Idiots. Scarry ass ghosts. And some very odd humor. It's enjoyable. Surely. I feel so blah now it's beginning to drive me mad. My brain is beginning to feed off of itself. Desperation for stimulation. I don't know. I just don't know. I don't think I want to know. No, I know I don't want to know. I'm happy being oblivious. Disillusioned. Confused. It's fine. I can enjoy this way. No more regrets for yesterday. Guilt thrives in my mind. It's a killer, it is. I think I'm off to find something to do. DFN.