whyd it have to happen again. why. do i really deserve such a thing all of the time. randomly. do i. am i so deserving of such disappointment. am i. i dont understand. i cant comprehend why. it just keeps repeating like a broken record. a scratched cd. a really bad movie. over and over again. it never fails. first. theres no one. then. i meet him. and then we hang out. and laugh. and flirt. and cuddle or makeout. accidentally of course. and we hang out some more. and laugh. and flirt. and hes always already owned. already taken. and then he goes away. or i go away. and doesnt care. and so i finally let loose and tell him. and it always fails. always. i never see him again. and it hurts. in such an annoying way. this last one. o. i was crazy about him. crazy about him. he was younger of course. more trivial of course. more controlled of course. and preowned of course. and it hurts. always. whether i want it too or not. im sure ill let this go as i have all the rest and by now its much easier. but still. wont i ever have my own. ever. im beginning to think no. never.