no one seems to appreciate writing anymore. besides. the sun is up. and i am up. drinking voddie and orangejuice just because i can. and today although i worked for the early part of it. is my day off. i am hyped on not doing anything constructive but constructing something out of nothing. and believe it or not. i am torn. torn in two between what now and something then. and the past keeps pulling up beside me just to mock my love. goddamn you. and the outlaws and the renegades who think they are tougher then me. fuck you. and your ideas. and ways of seeing me and my plight. and fuck me for not being enough when all i had to do was be just a bit more instead of being the same. and all i want to do is sit someone down and explain how much fucking pain i feel from day to fucking day and how i wish i could just crawl through glass in order to replace all of my bad memories with an even worse memory. but. then i realize. that crawling through glass i could get over. its the emotional memories that have left me so much pain. and sorrow. and all i have left if my hopes or tomorrow. and i will not contact it again unless it does me which i doubt because to them this is them being bored. and fuck them all for thinking theyre so tough because they have no fucking idea. on what the heart can take and how much it takes before it finally gives up and breaks. and leaves itsself so broken that nothing again will touch it. not even love or healing or anything so dreamy and appealing. and to top it all off i am once again screwed. goddamnit.