its final. i assume. f. i. n. a. l. i will never be returning home. at. least. not. in. this. life. and my mom and john and taz and loca will never be seeing me again either. at. least. not. in. this. life. the house on dear old rudolph is for rent. and rented. out. the home i knew for the last 7 years. is gone. as are all the things i loved and hated there. one by one by one by one taken away from me. all of this because of a fucking hateful wish. and i blame myself. i blame my heart. i blame me for being so unhappy. and now. id be happy to just go back. but. i cant. at. least. not. in. this. life. and it burns. and stabs. and aches. and grabs. and its over. and done. and gone. and dead. like john. and my mother. and soon taz. and loca. and with them i wont even be around to hold them. to tell them to go. because they are gone now. left. alone. by. me. and it hurts and burns and stabs and grabs. and. i try to ignore those feelings. these creeping feelings. but. it takes a spark and i explode like flame. and the feelings come. and the memories all the same. i cry now. because. i have no home. i have no home. i have no home. i have no home. i have no home. i have no home. i have no one to call my own. and it fucking kills.