we ignore each other. and she hates me. and i get angry. i don't mean too. i don't. but. i can't seem to stop it. i'm angry. i'm angry because she's dying. i'm angry because i can't fix it. i'm angry because everything has turned to dust and shit. i'm angry because it's all changing but not changing. i'm angry because i feel stuck. i'm angry because i hate myself. i'm angry. i'm sorry. i know i haven't been the best daughter. the perfect offspring. i've lied. i've cheated. i've stolen and blamed it on someone else. i've done bad things. i've said things. i've just completely fucked up. and i'm sorry. o if i could change it all i would. if i could go back and do it over i would. some things. the good things. and i'd do them more. don't you know how sad i am. don't you know how scared. how frightened. i'll be alone whether i like it or not. all alone. nothing i say changes it. nothing i do changes it. her opinion is stuck. unchanged. unyielding. i can't. and i don't want too. i want to leave and not turn back. i want to go and forget it all. i want. i want. i want. i'm just so sorry. dfn.