"It's all just coming undone..." So one more class and today is over with. I guess I got my second sign today about the whole "P" situation. We were talking lightly about me having no one to spend time with over my break, he notified me that he'd never hang out on campus. I'm not crushed. I'm just blah about the whole thing now. It isn't as fun as it was the first semester we had together. We're no farther in knowing each other. He's no farther in caring to know anything about me. It's all fine. I'm slowly learning how to let it all go. It's all useless to think about it anyways. Nothing will ever come of this. Nothing. Ever. It's not a sad thing or a bad thing. It's just an empty thing. I wish SEB was still in that class. At least I would've had her to hang out with over break. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? I don't know. I don't know anything about anything anymore. I know I'm sick of feeling this way. Feeling so stupid. So rejected. Every Tuesday and Thursday it's like my depression time. I feel worse than I did all weekend. I can't wait until this years over with. No more "P." No more classes. No more feeling stupid. No more slacking. No more of anything. And I'll be fine. THIS ENTRY MAY BE LONG TODAY. I have a lot to say for not knowing much. I'll never ask him to hang out. Or chill. Or go to the bar. Or anything. Because he won't. And I won't. And it's all stupid. I don't care much for him anymore. He's more a pest than anything. A pest I'd miss. But still. I wish I was like the other girls. So pretty. So smart. So thin. And so sweet. I'm not. I'm not like that. I guess. Except for maybe the sweet part. But that's rare if at all. I don't know. I wish I could just crawl into a shell or something and sleep away the next 10 years of my life. "Rip VanWinkle" I should seriously look into getting over this ridiculous obsession. It's tiresome. I need to concentrate on other things. Other more important things. I can't wait to get home today and get into some comfortable clothes. And vanish in my room for a few hours. Smoking my way to heaven and letting all this negative shit go. I can't wait. (Side not: this red haired bitch is annoying.) Moving on. I guess I won't get over "P" until he's out of my face. Until all classes are over. And I know for sure I won't see him again. We have nothing. And nothing is what we will always have. And that's sucky, but fine. I just need to accept it now. Move on. Get a fucking clue and let it all go. (I make a wonderful preacher.) I feel lonely right now. Sad and lonely. Down. Down. Down. Down deep. Digging a grave. Burying my mind. Down. Down. Down. Down deep. I think I am done. DFN.