"We make our own choices, we seal our own fate." I don't know why I'm writing again. Maybe everything is just building up too much. I have a desperate need for change. For something new. Ugh. I feel all I do is complain about my life. I don't know why I do it, but I do. I never really have anything uplifting to say or any good news to share. I'm getting sick of myself. Of this whole lie I've built up around myself. I guess we all have our own defense mechanisms. I guess we all do what we must. I guess I just can't stop being sad or depressing. I guess I am just getting sick of waiting. My sense of humor has fled. My attitude is now a puddle. My personality is so confused. It's my own fault. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The softest touch on my skin The deepest whisper in my ear To feel your body so close To feel your warmth so near ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Maybe eventually it will all get better. I just need change. I need to move something or rearrange something. I need to go and fucking enjoy something. I need to let all of this worry, hate, anger, and frustration go. I need to honestly leave it all behind. No more slacking off or fiddling around. It's a terrible thing once you begin to annoy yourself. Whine. Whine. Whine. Whine. I've had enough of my own whining. I just can't seem to figure this world out. I keep concentrating and analyzing to the point of breaking down. I feel as though I have the answer, yet every time it seems to allude me. It hides in the shadows of my brain. My brain is over done. Cooked. Baked. Fried with rice. Soon it will be nothing but mush. I'm not mad at Keith or Pat or anyone else. I'm no longer waiting or disappointed. I'm fine. I'm just angry at myself for never really completing anything. For always slacking. For always doing a half-assed job. For never giving it my all, when I know I could've. "I coulda been a contender, I coulda been somebody." All I know is never let your dreams get away. Never say you'll do it tomorrow if you can sure as hell do it today. Never forget who you are. Never hide behind a lie. Never misplace your trust. Never look back. Let the past be the past. Let people do what they will. Never forgive. Never forget. And never, ever let yourself down. I should've followed my own advice so many times. And so many times I passed it all up. I'll be graduating this year. From college. From a University. And what will I do after? I have no idea. Get on the nearest bus and travel until I can travel no longer. I want to see something before I die. I want to feel real feelings. And tell reel stories. And see more things. Damn I want so much. Done for now.