and thats what you get for just getting into a strangers car. all of this because i headed towards walmart. all of this because this is all im ever going to get i suppose. so chris asks. do you need a ride. and i reply. no. not really. and he says. come on. and i get in. and we chit chat. and he starts with. youre cute. youre fresh. and i laugh. and laugh. here it comes. the. routine. chris says. we should head back to my place. "i wouldnt mind eating your pussy" and i say. okay. but we wont be fucking. and he says. i have to work early tomorrow. "do you do oral" and i laugh. and laugh. no. and he says. youre fresh. "give me a kiss" and i cant. because. that. isnt. how. i. get. down. and chris tries. and tries. and hes a salesman and i believe it. hes convincing. and reasoning. "im going to show you my dick" and im out of there. before. he. can. bring me down any further. it will always be like this. a boy. cannot. just be cool. he has to. bring up the fucking. is there a sign on my back that says easy. and im tired of it. im tired of them all on me. when theyre on me. i like attention. and the thought of just fucking. but. how can i. ive been this way for so long. and im not ready. and im sorry. for. not. being. ready. but. if you push. i will push back harder. i dont like being tricked into it. i wont be. i will not be tricked into it. because. unfortunately. i. mean. something. to. myself. and all i need right now is someone cool wholl just be nice to me and cuddle me a bit or maybe hug me when i cry. because. that. is. what. i. need. i need something decent and distant. but. still there. and i suppose no boy ever wants to be a cuddlebuddy. when they can be someone elses fuckbuddy. i. am. more. then. a. vagina. and right now. it feels to heavy to do "it." i know i should be ready. now. but. im not. i just cant. because. there is no sweet talk. no letting me get comfortable. theres only those words. "lets go fuck" i need a bit more. unfortunately. i am doomed to die alone. i. believe. and you know. that changed my opinion of joe. as well. "you send mixed signals" what the hell does he send or did send. all the time. saying one thing. and then. nothing. and then something. and then nothing. and all i ever really wanted from him was just to cuddle. until. maybe. it. felt. okay. but. he brought up fucking too. and i didnt want to refuse. but. im not comfortable yet. i cant help it. and i dont even know why i keep thinking about him. it was a game to him. probably even a bet. a joke. and ill take the blame. and let them all say im lame. i dont really give a fuck anymore. because. theyre all apparently all the same. no. matter. what. they. say. and that truly disappoints me. i feel let down.