give me drugs. a bottle of bacardi and the old . ways. and ill be fine. i cant help but want the irresponsible life. i cant help but want that appealing dealing feeling from floor to spinning ceiling. and i like the way it feels to be out of my mind and out of time and out of money. unfortunately. damn maybe its time to change. but then again maybe its time to be strange. and go about this odd business. of being some thing a little bit more. and going on. the way towards some thing new. some thing. different. so you set aside the idea of living a normal life. and what you have left is some thing to be a bit frightened of. but excited about still. because while everyone else is racing in the ratrace. youre slowly walking down the street noticing how everyone stresses and worries and buys and sells and needs and wants and give me give me give me give me give me and the whole raising babies into future lawyers and doctors who deep down only care about their bank accounts so youre screwed and all of those skinny tiny little girls wearing dolce and gabbana and stressing about the new new fashions and the mothers and sisters and brothers and everyone crammed and running around like this will last forever. but it wont. the ratrace will some day be gone. covered by dust. destroyed by us destroying ourselves. all the while im sitting at a busstop sipping on a bottle and feeling not a thing in the world. but feeling the world. and maybe im wrong. and maybe ill regret it all someday when im old and homeless and toothless and alone and dirty in some dank hotel. but for right now. all i want to do is see the next town. and feel the next feeling. and im poor. but im used to being poor. im used to being so broke and down that nothing ever seems to lift. im used to it. so why not enjoy it. and tonight i snuffed up some overthecounter pain pills. and felt the need for cocaine. and the need for a faster life. because i seem to be slowing down. and i dont like it. and the feeling was sweet and dream like. and wrong all the same. but it wasnt so bad. minus the now snuffiness of my nose. and the need for it to have been cocaine. all i want is no rules. all i want is new rules. all i want is a reason to breathe. all i want is love in a love way. all i want is to forget who i used to be. all i want is the courage to move again. all i want is a sign for a change. all i want is to live in royal pain. day after day. all i want is to know i was here and lived. because eventually we/ll all be dust. we/ll all be forgotten. no matter what we believe we leave behind. when it comes down to it... only your last memories count. or so i suppose. i need a plan.