i am drained. my head is empty. i see words. and none of it makes sense. just letters fitted together incorrectly. to spell out. my doom. she doesn't wake easily anymore. or speak. or look at me with that look in her eye. she is forgetting me. maybe? maybe. i panicked today. as i did yesterday. and the day before. i didn't mean to yell. although it wasn't yelling. i didn't mean to cry. although it was crying. i didn't mean. i don't know. what it. all. will come too. i wish i had a thousand words to just express this mess. in sharper detail. without distraction. she is dying. or is dead. and i am here. just. empty. dfn.