My life right now consists of waking up, eating breakfast, going walking, eating lunch, cleaning something, eating dinner, watching tv, and than sleeping. This summer is truly my slowest. Unthrilling. But maybe it's supposed to be that way. Slow. Boring. Humble. I'm breathing. What more could I ask for? I was going to go visit D today. But now I am debating. I have this gut feeling lately that maybe I need to slow down while I'm still ahead. I like to follow my heart not my brain. Maybe I'll just grab a bottle of Smirnoff later and start working on SEB's B-Day gift. SEB is, well, I don't know. We don't have anything to really talk about. It's all basically the same. She talks about J and all I say is 'awwww.' What else do I have to speak about? My diet. My new way of eating. Boring material. Not even I can make that exciting. Or funny. Oh well. There is always a time for down-ness. Slowing down. Breathing. Relaxing. Giving old bad habits a break. This summer is just one of those times. It all works like this for me. I'll have my out-of-control months. Where everything I do is by chance and by luck. The times when I'm never really sure if I'll make back home in one piece. And than. There are the slowing times. The times where everything I do has greater meaning. Where my heart tells me it needs a break from the chaos. During these times I'm usually given some insight into my life. Certain things happen that influence my attitude and way of life. It's all equal in a way. A few months of wild, unpredictable behavior. And a few months to recover and hide from any lurking trouble. I won't complain. It all happens for a reason. Whether I like it or not. I can't say I don't like it. I can't say I do. I go with the flow. If I don't I know I'll eventually drowned. Get in trouble. Get busted. Or get hurt. Somedays I sit and I dream. I dream of what it is I wish I could express. This swelling feeling I carry around in my chest. It's like the most important experiences in life. A first breath. The last breath. A fire burning. A horrible storm. Breaking glass. The sunlight through the trees. Moments. Those moments that we take for granted. That's what I carry with me. That's the feeling. But it makes no sense to try and explain. It never works. I could write for centuries and never be able to get the true feeling down on paper. Oh well. I like it this way. My way. Done for now.