and now there are so many new options.
it has been some time since i used this i guess.
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this is me sober. counting down the moments until i can see him again.
and this is me finding it hard to believe i'm attached to someone like him. or anyone at all for that matter.
and this is me living 11 months sober...no strike that miscalculating...13 months sober.
makes more sense.
this is me being 28 and no longer able to drink away my issues.
this is me being here right now not wanting a sip at all. and i still find that hard to believe.
i remember a time when i couldn't imagine a day a minute a second without booze.
i couldnt imagine life without it.
and now. i cant imagine returning to it. my love the first love the one love i had and had to let go of forever because it all is just too messy for me. and homelessness is not as cool as it looks in the movies.
it has taken me 3 times to learn that much.
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now i'm seeking my purpose. and dreaming of my life and living it when i remember too. because it's so easy to get lost in the world and become so wrapped up in all of the garbage.
it is easy to get lost. getting found each day takes practice from morning until night.
i praise God now. and i fear nothing. because i trust now. i believe and accept it.
i want that freedom that is so amazing. and with practice someday i might get close to achieving it. one can never actually fully attain it because let's face it...God is God and we're trapped here in this world...not getting tainted time and time again is unlikely.
the world grabs on tight with it's touchscreens, jealousies, and vanities. and pride and judgemental attitudes. and greed. and lust. and don't forget your worries for in the morning. the bird flu and swine flu and pigeon flu. and everyotherflu.
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EXCUSE MY PREACHING. BEING AWAKE IS NEW TO ME. THINKING IS AN ACTIVITY I HAVEN'T BEEN USING MUCH. OR WAS USING MUCH.
and i think i might love him. because he loves me. and misses my smile. and so he says. its been so long since i seen him last. 2 weeks.