evdryone seems to either be panicking or not panicking.

theyve been shutting down school. cancelling events. meetings. business.

im nervous but not nervous. havent we all seen the movies as to how this plays out?

im taking my time to get completely obsessed with panicking. i will celebrate tho.

6 months. friday the 13th of all dates. 6 months sober. 6 months of emotions. of feeling, really feeling.

i havent gone this long without a bottle of vodka in my hand in over a decade.

my tribe is what matters now.

im done with escaping.

because.

no matter where i run too. or who i run from. i cannot escape myself.

i cant escape the demon i carry right along with me.

ill always have to face her and ill always have to decide.

decide who i will be today.

who will i be for myself. for my daughters. for my sons. for my partner.

i am willing to make that choice.

i am willing to weigh the pros and the cons of picking wrong.

i think about all ive done drunk. blitzed. gone.

and i cant imagine handling all of that mess drunk. but i did.

i know i can handle anything now.

anything sober.

im a terror drunk.

im a beast sober.

im excited.