i am battling so many things. my temper. my drinking. my drugging. emotional eating.

i mean where does it end. i cant seem to get a good grip on my binge eating.

i was better at this before. idk. i guess my partner making me happy makes me get comfortable.

and before i know it im as large as i once was in college.

this is the largest i/ve been since college and i/m hoping that seeing the numbers on the scale will actually properl me into determination.

idk.

but doesnt it seem so trivial right now to worry about my weight. with so much happening in the world. is me being fat the worst possible thing that could happen. i mean in all sense. at least i havent picked up a drink in more then a week.

progress not perfection.

but.

i/m uncomfortable and hopefully i can begin a healthy path to feeling more like myself.

and despite what media pushes and social media preaches.

no one likes being fat.

and no one respects anyone who is obese.

we are walking examples of not having self discipline.

and i want to say no.

i want to say no and mean it.

to drinking and binge eating and self loathing.

today is day one for weight loss.

may i be stronger than the carbs that come my way.