i am so in over my head. nothing is done. nothing is getting done. i don't know what needs to be done. who knows who to ask. i have no one to help me. tim is just as confused as i am. and the save the dates already went out. and even if they didn't, we cant postpone this again.. my mom is sooo.. she's so vindictive. she's so spiteful. she is such a little baby. she is supposed to know better. its ridiculous always being treated like a child by her but always being the adult in the relationship. who tries to fight with their kids? timmy is the only one who listens and gets it. he says he'd feel bad if i never talked to her again, but it upsets him to see me soo... upset by her. so overwhelmingly crazy with frustration, because of her. he agrees that if she thinks she can continue to treat me like this... we can not have that around our family when we have one. my kids wont grow up watching grandma talk to their mom like that. for 2 reasons, its wrong... and because i never want them to think i will ever talk to them the same way.. never. she always compares me to her. maybe it would make her feel better to think theres someone else out there like her but i'm not the one. i'm not like her and tim knows me more than anyone and he tells me i'm not. maybe we're both stubburn... i'll admit to that... we're both incredibly stubborn. but she is controlling and manipulative and exasperating and obnoxious IN PUBLIC and she NEVER listens! we already agreed that if she is in a relationship with our kids, she wont be able to buy them presents. never. we'll buy them presents and put her name on them or something so they dont feel unloved by her... but so she cant hold it over our heads and say "well i bought ur kids all this stuff blah blah blah" and feel entitled to treat us however she wants because of it. she is such a contradiction. such a hypocrite. she wonders why i dont trust her but... she basically destroys the little trust i might have gained for her every time we are together. or not together even. she went with me to my doctors appointment. that is a personal thing already and she didn't just wait in the waiting room, she sat there the whole time and whatever.. its fine... but after... i was getting dressed and she pretends to shut the curtain and "turns away" for like a second and then after i start to dres sshe turns back around! on purpose and didn't look away until i told her to and got all upset. but i didnt want to make a scene in the doctors office but it creeped me out. and this isn't the first time she's done something like that. its happened before and its weird. for any normal person, that is weird... but its extra weird because she knows about how i was violated and because of that i dont like people looking at my body... and she KNOWS that and she still... i cant even explain it. thats something you do when ur with ur 5 year old... and not even... why do u need to look? u dont! and why even shut the curtain if u were just going to look? she's an idiot and a creep. and if thats not enough for that particular event... at heathers wedding me and talya were talking.. and she over heard... and in the car i talked to her a little about what me and talia were tlaking about because we had talked about it with me and it was a private conversation.... but the first chance she gets with talia... she tells her about my doctors appointment... inplying to talia that she knew what we talked about and that must have made talia feel really uncomfortable... and like she cant trust me. my mom always acts so concerned about me not having friends, but she is the reasons for MOST of them not working out. it was none of her business. it really upset tim when i told him. he said that the most she should have said was "have u heard from jeni?" or something not pry into a private thing between me and Talia that DOESN'T include her at all. when talia called and told me why... i was like "uhg thats so annoying" and she's like "i know..." i'm not the only one who thinks its crazy. talia is a very rational person. and so is tim and they both know how wrong that is... how does she not? ... and after those 2 events... she wonders why i am so angry with her? thats just the one thing. an example. of many many MANY more. when i was at her house that one time a few weeks ago, and i had a break down... it was right after i told her that yeah, i have a guard up with her and i dont trust her completely yet. and she takes offense to that. if i was half as evil with my kids as she was to me, i'd be jumping thru the roof that my kid still trusted me at all!! and that they were still speaking to me. so many people wouldnt stand for it... so many people in these or lesser situations with their parents, just walk away and never look back. what makes me keep coming back? and what makes her think i have to? idk. she drives me insane. end of story. anyways... my grandma called. she scares me. like.. when she talks about altering the bridesmaid dresses. she keeps saying things like "they'll be ok..." or "i'll do my best but i dont know what i am doing really.." and it makes me really nervous. i mean.. these aren't just pants i want hemmed... these are my bridesmaids dresses... they have to look perfect if not presentable... i told her i would take them to a seamstress if she didn't think she could do it but she says she can.. and then she cant. its very back and forthy.. its making me really anxious. who knows if i'll even have bridesmaids at this point. u say how u feel to people and they... act very unpredictable. who knows if alisha is mad at me or not.. i didnt mean to make her upset or anything.. but SOMEONE needed to at least say something.. get it out there so in the future she cant say "well no one told me not to". now it really is all on her and she is going to do what she wants in the end and i get that. its not like im my mother and if she doesnt listen to me i am going to foam at the mouth and try to break them up myself.. no way. at this point she has chosen the make ur own mistakes route.. at least thats what it looks like from where i'm sitting. what was i talking about? o yeah... so who knows, i mean its weird when people just ignore u... lol. hopefully she's still in it to win it otherwise... im screwed in the caboose. and i never say caboose..... :/ me and tim saw my best friends girl. i should have known a movie with jason biggs would have at least 1 scene with a strip club or boobs flying all over the place.. hoe. tim kept looking at me with big eyes saying "you picked the movie" and "what is this?" and kissing me. i like when he gets like that... i dont even have to tell him not to look. its great. its the simple things that count. overall it was pretty funny... i mean dane cook is a genius and anything involving him is awesome so there you go. plus kate hudson is my hero. SMALL BOOBS! yeahhh... she is an inspiration to small chests everywhere. and she's hotter than most of the plastic actresses out there. yep. i say go if ur bored and u like dane cook and can tolerate jason biggs.. i have to pee. i am very emotional right now.. and i have been eating chocolate a lot. and i was supposed to lose weight... but i gained weight :[ which reminds me... wedding dress fitting on Monday at 12. anyone think i can lose 15 lbs in 2 days? maybe...