Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom - Aristotle I've never been so sure about this. I've suspected it.. a lot. But everyone always tells me its in my head.. But its not. I am different and its been a constant struggle to figure out why or what is making me different. I know now.. I am 90% sure.. I don't need a cure.. there isn't one anyways. I just want to be diagnosed. Just so i can say.. i understand why. That's the only thing that matters. WHY. And what. How is irrelevant and when or where.. whatever. WHY. Timmy understands.. at least... he says he does. and that's more than I can say about anyone else I've confided in. We're going to Colorado next week, but when we get back he said i could go to the doctor. I'm excited. Not to have a disorder.. but whether I have it or not, I'm that much closer to understanding myself. An obsession for quite some time.. and i finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. I think I might have aspergers syndrome. a high functioning form of autism. Hard to identify in girls and in adults.. so maybe that's why I didn't figure it out sooner. A lot of the time they are diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, OCD, or bipolar disorder.. throughout my life.. my mother has accused me of being all those at one point in time. coincidence? i don't think so. I've been thinking a lot about my childhood and so many things would make sense. things i did, how i felt, what i said, what i didn't say... If it isn't this, then its something like it.. its like they watched my life and then took things i did and made a list of "signs" of aspergers syndrome.. There was one thing that didn't add up.. rational thinkers instead of emotional.. I am nothing but emotional.. but then it also says "impulsive" I'm nothing but impulsive. and "lack of ability to control emotions".. (that has me written all over it)... which seems a little contradicting right? it also says they focus on things and become obsessed.. i think.. i am obsessed with figuring myself out. among other things. but maybe that's why I contradict myself. idk. if that even makes sense. i don't want any sort of illness, disease, disorder.. who would? but i already know and have accepted that there IS something going on.. and honestly, I'm a little relieved to finally have a starting point.. that's all.. This sounds kinda hostile.. ish.. but i guess that's just because no one ever takes me seriously. o well I really don't care anymore.