BUAHbksaajhsjahsjkah!
I'm so annoyededed.
The job is great and fine. was. it has its perks. BUT. but but... uhg... they forgot to MENTION at all that i would be making cold calls. not the selling of random products or a product at all.. so its not that bad. im just trying to get people to join our affiliate program which is actually a good thing and would help them make money. BUT STILL! i hate cold calling at all. And the thing that really pisses me off about it is that they didnt even mention anything about it in the job description OR in the interview. or even the first few days. nothing. he even made a tasks list for me and was it on the list? nope. and out of the blue I just have to call up companies and ask them to be a part of this program.. ??? and not just a few dozen a day for like an hour.. he's talking hundreds for most of the day. This is a MAJOR part of the job that they DIDNT EVEN MENTION at all. i mean if its a small duty thats like 5% of the whole job.. and he forgot to mention it or overlooked it... fine.. but you can not overlook this.. because its like 70% of the job. especially right now because we only have 8 affiliates! uhg. I like that i work with young people, cool people, and that everyone is laid back and whatever. and the flexibility and such.. but if i had seen "cold calling" on the description like i did on so many other jobs I passed up, i would never have applied.. but whatever. I like this job as a whole.. i just hate hate hate cold calling. anything BUT cold calling and selling. o well. i get paid tomorrow. wee :{
i picked up the rest of my stuff from my moms. everything but the amour and the stands and the closet thing and my dresser. which sounds like a lot but its not. just too big to fit in my car. Im so annoyed. My mom is a homo. I wanted to do something nice and sell manuel my car. A car I'd still be driving if tim hadnt just randomly bought me a new one. not cuz i needed it but because it was SUCH a good deal. If he hadnt had the opportunity i'd be in my car and it'd be perfectly fine because its a great (yet terribly ugly) car. I wouldnt recommend it to a little old lady altho one drove it before me... But since manuel is a teenage boy i thought it'd be perfect for him. I wouldnt selll him a crappy no good car. I actually care about him. I told him I would take $900 even tho we were thinking of selling it for $1000. my mom said it was only worth $725. she also said so surely without even acutally knowing "its in bad condition" i dont know what she's talking about it runs great and its in great condition.. not perfect but its good. i mean jasons car is a piece of crap.. it leaks oil and it runs like butt and my car is in bad condition? and if thats really how she feels about it.. then it says a lot about her standards for what she'd let me drive and what she'd let manuel drive.. its good enough for me and not him? what's that? anyways. so thats whats going on with that..
i called up my grandma today. she offered to make me my wedding dress a while ago... and threw in the sentence.. "im not a seamstress tho so blah blah blah.. something about dont expect too much".. i didnt take my chances... but i called and asked if she could instead make my bridesmaids dresses since they are far less intricate and they'll be worn by alisha and corina.. who live with her so it'd be easy. and its only 2 dresses since renee and erycka wont be able to come out. she didnt even answer me before asking if my mother was going to be invited. i said no. and thus began a neverending explosion of nonsense. She said if i dont invite my mother that she didnt want to come because it would hurt my mothers feelings and that i was putting her in a hard place by not inviting her. TIME OUT PEOPLE... why is my family soo selfish? i know i know i can be too but first of all.. its my wedding day so it SHOULD be all about me and tim. not about my mother. especially not about my mother. my grandma was so worried about hurting my moms feelings that she didnt even care how hurt my feelings are right now. She doesnt even get that its my day not my mothers. and she doesnt get that SHE is putting ME in a hard position by saying she wont come if my mother wont come because then my grandpa wont come and those are 2 important people out of my wedding now. and who knows if aunt mercy would come if they dont come. and so on. its not fair to make me have to invite someone i dont feel comfortable to be around just so the rest of my family will come. its my wedding day.. mine... they think Im causing drama but its them causing the drama. inviting my mother would be causing drama. I want to be happy and i want to have fun. i dont want to be annoyed that she's there. i dont want to catch her looking at me and think, just go away. and have it ruin the whole mood. is that soo much to ask? to have a nice day? she is the one who slammed the door in my face. how can i invite someone to celebrate in the most important day in me and tim's life together, when she was the person responsible for causing the most drama within our relationship from the start? I mean people tell you not to play certain songs that remind you of ex's on your wedding day because it just reminds you of them and sends weird vibes and such and whatevers... same with people who caused drama in your wedding. thats why tim's brother wont be his best man. because i can not be pouring out my heart and having the most intimate moment in my life... with his awful brother within eye sight. i know he's going to be family after but that doesnt mean i have to look at him every time i look at pictures of my happiest day. and i dont want to look at her either.she'll just be wondering why i'm wearing white and judging me and being stupid the whole time anyways and i dont want to have to deal with how that will effect my mood. only people who love us and want the best for us and want to celebrate our relationship and who we are and blah blah blah.. only they can come. and thats not much actually. but id rather have 15 people who genuinely care than 100 who could care less. so anyways.. if my grandma wants to put my mothers feelings over mine... it wouldnt be the first time.. she puts everyone in this family's felings before mine. so im used to it and i dont care anymore. if they want to ruin my wedding day.. fine. maybe my family wont be there. but tim's will. and after the day is over, they'll be mine too and maybe that better.
and maybe tim's the only person who will ever be capable of putting my feelings over anyone elses. I'm ok with that.
basically after the phone call i had a tremendous break down. isnt that fabulous? tim is wonderful. i dint expect to get so emotional on the phone. as soon as my voice started to crack i felt his hand on my knee telling me its ok and he's there for me. afterwards he held me and we talked about how awful theyre being about everything. its hard sometimes after a talk like that with my grandma. i feel like everyone in my life doesnt want me. everyone leaves. everyone disappoints. i know timmy will disappoint me but its scary to imagine him leaving me too.
anyways.
work tomorrow. then school. then home for some lovin. and idol of course. david archuleta is spectacular and and he reeks of mahogany.
i love timmy.
night.
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