ahhh. holy heck! whats with the nightmares...???? the last 2! count em 2!!! nights... oi. and they are scary :( and this last one felt sooo real. i kept thinking i was awake and i would go to turn on my light.. but it wouldnt turn on! and i even dreamt i woke up and tim asked me what my dream was about and i said i didnt want to talk about it or it would get worse and then my dream came back and it was worse! ahhh. and it kept repeating itself over and over. and i couldnt wake up!! usually i can wake up if im really really scared and i can feel myself shake my head until i open my eyes.. but this time. nope.. gah. i should probably do my hair. were going to ihop and then tim is going to this thing. the thing he told me about last week but i didnt make it. where you watch a show or something and get paid for it. pretty neat. he said the lady said she has something EVERYDAY next week that i could go to... thats $70 each time. and just for like an hour or 2 hours. so after he gets back were gonna go to dinner or something and then he goes to colorado. well not really but pretty much. he leaves early in the morning on sunday and he's having his aunt take him. cuz he said i couldnt or something. never said that but oh well. On sunday i might go to tehachapi to pick up my cousins. around 10ish. iunno. i would have been awake anyways.. but thats ok. k imma get ready... bye bye. --------------------------------------------- 5:45pm nothing is worth anything. she cant keep doing this. i cant live like this. she tells me to come home. i come home. and its never enough. nothing is. screw her. i dont know how i dont know where but im leaving. i cant be here. she said to get out. she is a walking contradiction. i cant do it. im never coming back. and i hope i never see her again ever. i hate her. i dont care anymore. i always do everything. ive based my whole lifes happiness around her and NOW it doesnt matter. and it never will again. she's no longer an influence on my decisions. but im so stupid.. i have no where to go.. i cant do anything right and i dont have enough money to get out of this place. i hate this. theres nothing i can do about it.