"You taste like a lemon but you look like a lime... I'm kinda confused..."
-tim
haha I drank lemonade and i was wearing a lime green shirt.. tim is a hoot. i love that word. hoot. a cross between ha and woot... its like pretty much the best word i know...
thats all for now... bbl. big butt lamps...
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my mother is so inferiorating. whatever that means. But she is just that. Im gonna be 19 in 2 days. 2 days darn it... and i feel like i am a 14 year old.. stuck in.. a 13 year olds body.. gah. I cant "grow up" when Im being pulled down by all these random and uneccesary restrictions. I try hard to just live my life like a normal person, cuz thats how it should be.. but instead i have my mothers opinions being forced upon me as facts. opinions of how i should act, what i should do, who i should date, where i should go, what i should feel, who i am... etc....
Anyways, thats not even really whats bugging me. yeah i wanted to leave for those reasons.. many reasons.. I had been home all day.. coped up in my room. And my mother way irritating the poo out of me. And also, I got a letter from charlie. thats my father type. He gave me $50 and a card and a letter. And its no big deal who cares... oi. I just really hate that it is a big deal.. and i do care. I dont know why i care cuz its so dumb. i knew it would happen again. he is always the same, i dont know why i thought things would be different this time. He comes and goes aas he likes. And his excuse this time.. he was out of a job. okaaaaay.. so u couldnt call me for months why? that has nothing to do with a job. He is an idiot. And im an idiot for missing him. gah, see.. i miss him. and after reading that stupid letter which was no mmore than like 5 sentences... ive been so stressed out. I felt unwanted.. which isnt a new feeling that i get from him but for some reason, this time it was so incredibly strong. And about 2 minutes later tim calls and im thinking "well who cares about everything, cuz he [tim] wants me and i want him and he makes an effort to see me everyday and makes me feel special.. so who cares about the letter.." but i was also thinking "yay! tim is coming and well go out and i can get my mind off things and also i wont be alone" and then my moms all crazy nonsense. and she told us to be home by 12.. it was 10:30 when we left so that was just dumb.. and we always hang out at the house and this past week weve been going out a little, and shes all crazy now. and she ended up getting her way, and he onion rings.. and we went home at like 11. and she was still mad. i couldnt help it, but i started crying in the car. i didnt want to make it obvious.. freak thim out or something.. although he would say it wouldnt.. i just couldnt talk anyways. i just really wanted to get out and i just started crying cuz we were going home where id have to be alone and dwell on stupid things. like that stupid letter and feel how i felt and be alone and be trapped in my room for no good reason. i dunno. i can never explain things right. or clear. but i hate him. not tim. him. and i hate her.. the mother. well maybe not hate them. i just dont know what to do with them. i hope my mom leaves early on friday and doesnt call all weekend. thatd be a nice bday present. she probably didnt get me one anyways. shes always ticked off at me. she has to be.. its like her hobby. i dont blame her tho.. seems like a hoot. i said hoot twice in the same entry.. gross.
oops... i just realized my myspace status was is "single".. was. now it was. not is. cuz i changed it. mhmm yup.
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