welll............................. i had a bunch of awesome thngs to write. not things that happened. just thoughts. okay so they werent like reeeeeally crazy awesome. i guess i just didnt want to forget. but i started playing blast billards.. and forgot. crap.oo well. if it was really that important it'll pop up eventually. anyways... soooo today i went to coc's health office cuz i ran out of prozac pills. i was not going to take them anymore. but i wanted to discuss it with the nurse proctitioner first. i saw her today but she was in a hurry and they were supposed to be closing. and i didnt want to be annoying and bring it up when everyone was trying to leave. so i guess I'll just stay on it until i see her again. which she thinks is next month but im gonna have to do it sooner than that cuz i should be gone to MO by then, i think. gah i dont even know. its already june 7th and time is flying so fast. I talked to her about my bcp's too. cuz i stopped taking them. i got confused because i missed a day and blah blah blah. so we talked about it and its really simple now. and then she asked me if there was any chance i was pregnant and i was like no. and she explained how to take them and blah and then she gave me a bag of condoms and a brochure on a whole bunch of silly things called "things you were to scared to ask" lol and it was just really funny. i told her i didnt really plan on using it. but shes a very insistant woman. so yeah. Im hungry. i only had a salad and a parfait today. after coc i went to valencia printers to pick up my check of not so much money. and lamont and lisa asked a whole bunch of questions and altho im mad at them.. it was nice talking about my situation instead of trying to hide it. and they really understood. i didnt feel judged or anything. im so sick of trying to cover up whats going on. and i dont have to. it was weird tho. cuz im kinda mad at them. mostly lamont and im jealous of lisa and it was weird that they were who i talked to first. but whatever. then i stopped by my house. awkward. i wanted to pick up the few things i left there. so i rang the door bell and my mom answered. my brother wasnt home. my doggies were really happy to see me. i didnt see jefrie tho. he was in the back. my mom was sick so she was watching me take some stuff from the garage and then she said she was going to go to bed and to shut the garage door when i leave. and she hugged me. and i told her i was sorry she was sick. and she didnt say anything but when she turned around i think she was crying. gah. i dont like making her cry. but i also dont like when she makes me cry either. and i know we just 2 people that will never be able to live under the same roof.. but that doesnt mean i dont want her in my life. i miss her. and i miss my brother. i just want their support. jbdksjdbklsdkls... mush mush mush... no one cares. sooooooooooooooooo i got roswell. my fave show when i was in middle school or 9th grade or whatever. still good stuff. tim seems to like it. and aaron too. we're almost done with the 1st season of 3. im getting a bad grade in math. and the final is on saturday and its just going to make it worse. oi. i suck at life. nothing has really been going on unless you count my random psycho moments. some weird dreams. some weird.. not dreams. i dunno what to call them. i hate thinking about the past but not actually remembering it. just knowing it happened but not knowing what happened... its like what the fup.. i should know right? i was there... but noo. i dont. i dont know anything. and the stupidest part is.. its things most normal people would want to forget. ahg. its only 12. tim went to sleep around 10:30. i dont wanna sleep. i am soo tired. but sleeping is just going to make me think and thinking makes me want to write. so im just going to stay here and write and write until i cant think of anything to write. not that anything i write is ever really relavent to anything anyways.