Its like clockwork... its ridiculously accurate... if I am having an emotional melt down.. i must be on my period. No seriously.. i mean i might cry about something from time to time if i am upset during the month (sometimes not at all)... but nothing really irks me... but every month... same time same place... no matter what... i can't deal. But at the same time.. the situations that happen during that time... don't happen other times... its like.. its almost like if they happened during the "good" parts of the month... i could push through and avoid a break down... i could. but the combination... its intense man.. super intense. Tim... gosh. No man could love me like Tim does. no one. he has like.. super love powers. he does, its true. i mean I'm not a jerk to him... (not a peach either) but i dunno how he handles me when i get like that.. so needy and insecure.. and i cry.. at first for what i think is no reason and then after a while i realize there was a reason all along and he has to wait until i figure it out. and sometimes.. because I'm dumb i get mad at him for not figuring it out first... obviously after the fact i know I'm stupid but in the moment.. idk.. it makes sense when you're in the moment. for some reason. i love him. muchly. sometimes i miss him. when he's right next to me... sometimes i want to wake him up so i can talk to him.. or just.. be with him. can't explain it. sounds a little crazy when you write it out. sometimes i get sad because i just can't get close enough.. but we're so close. he's my best friend and the best husband. he knows me and understand me as much as anyone really ever could. but sometimes i have this overwhelming feeling of.. its not enough. i need more. and i dunno where that feeling comes from or why.. or how to deal with it. but it grows into a monster during that time of the month and then the combination of crazy situations and me being an emotional basket case = total chaos. its over. only lasted one night. but i wish i could see it coming. i mean its not hard.. but its like my mind turns off and i forget how i am. anyways. i am learning calculus. the tutorials i am watching make it really easy. I actually understand what i am doing. i feel pretty smart.. and that doesn't happen often :/ I'm also learning programming. watching lectures from standford college. they are excellent... the teacher is pretty cool and kinda funny.. quirky. he makes it not so painful to follow. i don't want to go to bed. but my body aches.