Listening to: distillers- die on a rope
today has been so very interesting. interesting indeed.
i am such a dumb dumb girl. dumb with a capital um. cuz i um alot when i dont know something. and now i will continue to um..
i woke up and went to work. i stopped at cousins to get a cob salad for lunch but they dont open to 10:30 and i had to be at work at 10:30 so.. i just got the crazy chicken. bleh. but i havent eaten my salad yet so.. it might be nice. i had to get here early cuz today was the staff meeting and i guess im part of the staff. it was an hour and a half long. oi. but its ok. it wasnt that bad. i might even get my own computer and workign space. besides that.. the meeting was pretty depressing. here i am living off the crap pay i get and the other members of this office are complaining about benefits and even want memberships to the gym.. what?? and they considered it. or are considering. ah. i just wanted to take the pen in my hand and stab myself in the face.. in the face. but instead i just ate a mini muffin.
rob and neil are the founders of ocean park hotels and i heard rob saying he wanted to get 2 new cars. a new camero and he;s getting his wife a hybrid something. sheesh.
in other news... my uncle ricky moved out of the mothers house. my mom said the option is there. but there are alot of reasons why that isnt even thinkable..
also...
i am so crazy. not just crazy psycho.. Im crazy narnia. and uh. if u dont know.. thats pretty crazy.
i hate when people are perfect but really they arent perfect but no one is so thats ok. but you think they are one way but in reality they are like.. completely not. and you just want to shoot yourself in the face. and dont you hate when people or the non plural form of people is soooo oblivious to the ooposite genders tricks and bullish behaviors and they just take it and accept it.. and think its all ok but really. they are just being stupid and and.. other such words of that sort. and i just ahte hate hate when people expect something from you.. but they arent willing to meet their own expectations. and when they ask something of you and your all like open and honest about it to a point where you just flat out show them but they go around hiding things behind your back. and you just want to scream cuz they accused you of being secretive and a jerk. and and i just hate it. and i hate also that i care to much to care.. it doesnt matter.
i dont have time for this. i do but daryn just walked in and im not supposed to beon a computer right now. sooo.. bye.
i'll just shut my noise..
are you ready for the noise to be brought on you???
the what?
the NOOIse.. to be brOUGHt on you..
___________________________________________
is it also so "erroneous" to want more? not more more. but more.
I just want things to be ok... and the only way to do that is like this... go to missouri. thats one. go back home. thats two (and not happening). or another that i would never even think to say because.. even if i wanted it. and maybe i do and maybe i dont.. its not just up to me. so that leaves us with ONE option. missouri. MISERY frikken missouri. i talked to my aunt last weekish. like uh... fridayish so yeah a week.... she told me it was fine and such but she gave me some things to think about and it just made everything so much more complicated. for me at least. i know im the only one thinking the way i do. So its missouri. cuz im not going home. and i cant stay here unless. no. i just cant stay here. so im leaving. and i might be crazy for thinking the way i do. but alot of people think its crazier for me to just on a whim move in with my bf. so screw it.. im thinking how i want.. and i know no one knows what im talking about but.. who cares. i thought people were crazy.. for doing things the ways or way they did things. but now.. i just think.. everyone is crazy. equally. i got off subject and onto a subject that no one gets but me.. o well. i just was at church ok.. and i was talking to my mom. and i liked it. i really feel that its been good getting away. good for our relationship. she's still.. her. but, its easier to talk to her a little more.. a little bit. but mostly we miss each other so that makes it better too. but anyways during our conversation she mentioned something. and i hadnt thought of it really. i mean it passed my mind i suppose.. but o hadnt reeeeeeally reeeeally thought about it until she said. and it just made me think.. why not? and then i thought of all the reasons why not. and then i thought.. that doesnt even matter.. not really. not now. it would actually make more sense.. to everyone. and be better. and in the midst of thinking all of this crazy nonsense.. i drove home and got home and went to bed.. everything was peachy. woke up and then.. i accidently stumbled across something.. and poof!! like POOOF! none of what i was thinking even mattered anymore. cuz im going to missouri.. ive made up my mind for good good. 100% going. not 80 or 70.. 100% and some. yeah. cuz im just so sick of the stupidest crap... the double standards. the nonsense. ANd Im gonna be happy. and Im gonna work. and im gonna get money and go to school. and im gonna make friends. and have fun. and when i get back im gonna have expectations of my own. im still the same person i was. ive done of things "i" would never think i'd do.. but they happened. and thats ok. im learning. but my values are still what they are and they arent going to change. and i know if i stay here.. i will hide my values away and take on someone else's. so thats it. no more hiding who i am. well. once i get to missouri it wil be easier for that to happen. but seriously.. no more. I think I'll go on February 20th. One month. CUz i need to raise some money first. and then.. poof.. im gone. and everyone can do whatever they want with whom ever they want and just bleh. i dont really know what my point was. im not expecting anyone to get any of that...
like youre leaving now
like we never meet now
oh well
2-D is all i need
i guess
yea you suck
ill send you letters there if you want
your going to miss it here though
what the fuck is in that state anyways??
hahe
yea
yes i have a space
use the same email i have now to search
i used the same colors but my blogs are a little more different
keep in touch ducky
hope you have good time there
really :P