i want to help people. ideally.. i want to be an actress, become famous and make lots of money and give most of it to the hungry and finding ways to eliminate world hunger all together. but i know its a long shot. and if it wasn't someone probably would have done it already. and people who can are just too selfish.

maybe i could be a psychologist.. one who counsels kids (particularly special needs kids) who have been sexually abused. I think this is my calling. but i seem to have a calling every other day so who knows. Right now it feels right.

but that's probably only because i feel like crap.

i think its because i only took 3 pills this week on accident.. ive been sick and its hard to remember what day it is when you're sick in bed for days. and no job. when u dont really care anyways.

its not fair. a ticking time bomb.. no kidding. its not fair to have all these problems i dont know how to fix. knowing the cause and not the solution. and its even worse knowing the cause is probably out there problem free.. able to do all the things i cant. reading doesn't help. talking wont help. counseling costs money. medication is annoying. i dont want pills to be the answer to every problem i have. it shouldnt be like this. tim is too patient. too easy going and accepting. i would have left me a long time ago. I'm broken.