Listening to: Dangerous Summer- Of Confidence
Thank you Lord for everything you have given me. Every lesson learned and blessing received. Thank you for the people you have put in my life and the times when I have nothing but joy in my heart. And for being there when there is nothing but fear. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for loving me at my lowest.
Things were so crazy.. and then by the grace of God everything just fell into place. I feel nothing but overwhelming joy when I think about it. How He really does work in mysterious ways. He can make the impossible possible again. He can take any situation and change it into whatever He desires. I am hurt by the past month and I dont think I will forget about it or get over it anytime soon, but in the meantime, I will push through knowing that He still loves me and that maybe everything really does happen for a reason.
After me and timmy broke up, I thought it was over. i asked for a break.. he wanted a break up. i thought he was over me. i got the impression that he was moving on.. with other girls. [he wasnt] and i wish i knew that. i started dating jason and he was great, on paper he was everything i wanted and more. i guess that and knowing it was over with timmy gave me reason to continue to see him. i still loved timmy but i saw something in jason that told me i could fall in love with him someday. but you can just replace love. you just add on. i should know that by now. I was starting to love jason. but nothing i felt about timmy ever left. everything got so confusing. i felt like i was cheating on him with my thoughts. but then again we werent going out.. which was also confusing. everything piled up. issues popped up. i started doubting if jason was someone i could actually be with.. regardless of how i felt about him, and about tim.. there were red flags all over the place. and then seeing tim.. all the emotions i pushed to the side.. all the love i tried to forget.. rushed back. it wasnt just because i missed him like i thought it might be at first. I realized i moved on because i had to. not because i wanted to. he felt the same about me. and we both realized, maybe this was just someting we needed. time. time apart to appreciate each other. to find the same page. to figure things out for ourselves. if being together forever was what we really wanted or because its what we thought we wanted. i dont think timmy could have discovered it any other way. we both fell apart and grew from this past month. i thought i wanted a christian but i realized that isnt enough. it could be intimidating for someone like timmy but it asnt.. because all it takes is willingness and desire. and timmy realized, that he wants God in his life with or without me. he wants to be the leader and a man of God. And he has been so wonderful. I love him so much and I cant imagine being with anyone else. I wish it would have taken some thing less tramatic. i wish we could have figured all this out and not wasted time while we did it.. but im just thankful that it happened at all. I am soo in love with him that i get choked up even writing it. i dont want to lose him. I know he is God's first and mine second. and same for mself. and I hope we always stay aware of that and never forget it. even for a second. it scares me when i think of how many times Ive screwed up in that area because maybe next time we wont get a second chance..
I see so much growth in him. i hope he can say the same about me. i hope so. i want to make him happy and support him and love him as much as i am capable of. i never want to lose him again.
I love timmy's heart.
I also see a lot of passion in him that i didnt see before.. i love that we are attracted to each other but that it doesnt define us. We can just be together and be content.. we dont have to do anything but enjoy each other.
he prayed with me again tonight. thats 3 nights i a row. and Ive never felt better in a relationship than I do now.
Read 0 comments