I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.. I feel like jello.. I am not motivated to do anything... or i want to do too much and i am overwhelmed.. so much i can't move. I don't know where to start.. i need a job but. i don't just want a job. i want a career. but i don't want to get into something that will end up being a waste of everyone's time. i don't know what I'm good at.. nothing pretty much. ok I'm sure I'm good at something.. but what if thats not good enough? What am I best at? I want to find the job I'd be best at. Not settle for something.. I don't want to just like my job. I want to love it and I want to help people and make a difference too. I may not like working with the public or really like a lot of coworkers most of the time, although i don't really have issues getting along with people.. i just prefer solitude in the workplace.. even with my anti social tendencies, i care about people and i want to be in a career that people can benefit from.. directly or otherwise, doesn't matter. A lot of things have been pointing me to programming. But sometimes I still long to try acting. Just to see. I know a lot of people probably have the same dreams especially here.. but i already know not to expect anything. i just think it would be fun. And then sometimes I want to do something completely off the wall.. like blood spatter analyst. but I don't think I'm smart enough for that and it takes forever to get into. and everyone and their mom wants to be one. and there really aren't very many anyways so its more competitive than acting really.. so why not try acting? I've had a lot of dreams in my life.. and a few that never change.. get married. check. have kids. someday check. be an actress. fail. Blah. Before i know it, I'm going to be too old to do anything worth talking about.. how depressing is life GOSH! Its all i think about lately.. the fact that time is running out.. and what do i do? i waste it. perfect.