[157] monday

by ilickdoorknobs on June 1st 2004, 12:00AM

hey sunday was so weird. I was able to see brett. Not for very long but its ok cuz we got to see eachother on monday too. my mom is so confusing. she told me and brett that if brett just asks to talk to me or see me, he can with her permission. She said that about whenever. chico or not. and right before he left she told me that it was just for today. I dont know why she would do that, except for the fact that she is my mother and its in her nature to be complete psychotic. Im going to talk to her tho. yesterday went bye so fast. he came to my house and we watched a video of him and sal and mike on their way back here. twas funny in a can. went to big lots. brett bought a camera. ya know i dont think we took any pictures together. went to factory something store and yeah we... well i tried on some weird clothes. got some eats. went to the play read thru thing. for like more than 2 hours. brett said he wasnt bored but i would have been. went home. mom told me stupid things. and then she gave me and brett a while to talk before he left. and then he left. ya know whats really wierd? the part where brett still wants to be with me... heh Im such a dork and a half. I was being so weird and he said I was perfect. what? crazy peoples. oi. i wish everything was different. thats kinda obvious. whatever happens i just waant brett to be happy. not just happy like smiling happy happy but just overall have happiness. Im kinda scared... cuz my mom said that i can see brett again when we dont have any feelings for each other. well i love brett and its not going to change... so does that mean i can never see him again? and she wants me to be honest with her. she knows when im lying and when she doesnt i usually start crying and then she knows... i cant help it. and so i think.... fine. no more lying and just do it the right way. lets just do it that way. lets forget and give up all these feelings and then in like 3 or 4 or however many months we can see each other or talk... but what if the feelings dont come back? Or what if we think they are gone but they arent or they are and they just come back and didnt even expect it and my mom finds out and we have to start all over... if any of that made sense... what if the feelings dont come back for him but i still love him and we are friends and he meets another girl and boo. what if something happens to me or him in the time we arent together and i dont get to tell him i love him one more time. what if i move to new york when he comes back... no that wont happen but new york is cool. if. i live in a hypothetical world people. oi. i need to stop if-ing and pray some more. got to go to school.more later. Its later! I am at school. I just couldnt resist a dell computer. I love them. they make me want to buy a boat and fill it with french fries.. and sail to jamaica. hmm. be patient... ha. I am the most impatient person in this whole entire world. But thats ok. I will change. I can do it. yep yep yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. yEEp. peep. moop. ok i will stop worrying. Im stopping. *stops* this is nice. ice ice baby. i got my bmx mag today. for august haha. I get a free crazyworld t-shirt. cool? yeah. whoa its tuesday... the glove compartment isnt accurately named and everybody knows it so Im proposing a swift orderly chaaaaAAange cuz behind its doors theres nothing to keep my fingers warm and all i find are suvioners from better times thats what I am listening to. can you tell me why you have been soooOOoooOOo sad? he took a lover on a far away beach while you arranged flowers and chose color shcemes can you tell me why you have been sooOooOOoo sad? and shes out... Im back yet again Imtired but not. I dont want to sleep. heh i miss brett alot. I fell asleep on my couch at 7 or 8 and had a dream. Ya know when u have those nite terrors and they seem so real? well I had a dream like that but it wasnt scary. But it felt real and it was about brett and after a while I knew I was dreaming and I felt myself start to wake up and then it stopped. boo. I had another dream about jay. it was so weird. I will explain that in a little while cuz I dont want to forget cuz then it will taunt me forever. anyways Im out for now. probably b back later cuz im a loser.

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