today was nice.
I am happy.. i have to stop trying to squash it... he's marvelous... he's in manuels room cuz he's sleeping overr.. the mothers idea.. weird. but more time for cuddles yay..!
too tired to write anything else tonight. but it is 4 in the morning...
goodnight world..
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uhg. i hate introducing people to my mother. she makes the worst first impressions... like.. we had to eat dinner with all of them, manuel was at a friends. and my mom is telling a story and she said "bagina".. i dont even have to explain the whole story she said to explain how embarrasing she is... who says "bagina" at the dinner table? annnndd she's my mother. ahg. anyways. at lest he made them laugh. i like how he could easiily interact with them and such.. i think my brother liked him, they were joking a lot. it was kinda embarrassing sometimes tho.. we all tend to talk at the smae time, and over each other.. and i think he's more used to more structured conversation haha.. it was just interesting.. yeah. so that was that.
he stayed over in manuels room. in the morning i went in the room and we slept and cuddledded. shh dont tell.. last night he fell asleep during the movie, "just friends" he never saw it before... kids. he was cute.. he snores lol. and kisses in his sleep. he's a sleep kisser.. haha. my mom wanted us to come out to the kitchen, which i thought was weird because she had 3-4 girls from church over to watch a movie and spend the night. i mean, we werent hungry annd then a girls mom showed up annnnd it wwas awkward standing in the kitchen in my pj's.. with jason.. in his pj's lol.. it just looked bad. i just think we should have stayed in my room while the moms showed up. o well.
but anyways.. basically... i think i need to just let go. let go and go with my heart... i just cant figure out what the heck my heart wants sometimes. sometimes it would like to be smart about things, learn from my mistakes and focus on other areas in my life at least as much or more.. but i dont know how to do all that without ruining a good thing.. maybe i just dont know how to explain myself enough. so it makes me just want to throw rules out the window and see what happens. I know that everything Ive ever become wrapped up in just leaves or ends... and as much as I try to take that into account.. i cant help but fall. I'm hopeless. And it doesnt help that he said he was falling in love with me.. :] hehe.. i miss himmm.
yeah. Im gonna shower..
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so. i had fun tonight. it wasnt very weird at all like i thought it might be. the only weird part is that he still reads this lol.. "hi tim". so yeah.... awkward. like who knows what people read.. maybe if you skim its possible to miss parts.. maybe. o well... but yeah, show was good. new found glory kicks bottom. and cyrus is most amazing on the drums. i swear i saw him look at me 3 times. i swearies.
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uhg. u know. any other person. that margurita or daquirri chick or any girl really.. but uhg. u know.. who cares. I'm not maaaad. i dont have a reason to be. i just have a weird feeling in my chest like idk.. i want to go on a crayz killing rampage lol. i dont even know why, Im over it but.. whatever. it'll pass. everything pretty much does. why her? who cres jeni.. who fareaking cares... i have my own life.. and its wonderful! wonderfreakingful.. and I'm calling wonderfull in less than 10 minutes and it'll be splendid like it always is.. yeah. gosh i'm so dramatic sometimes.. I mean on sitd i sound so dramatic all th time.. but honestly.. writing is venting and you vent to release and thats all thsis is and when im done i'll be fine... i mean i saw brett after tim... but not to be all whatevery.. we dont even talk anymore. at least i dont think we do..... and it'll probably stay that way... who cares. whoo bloody cares. i dont...
i have things to do..
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i realllly reaally know it shouldnt matter. i'll be the first to say it. but.. ouch. lol. sometimes you have to laugh to keep from falling apart. we were engaged. lol. maybe going back to colorado really is better for everyone.
god. life is so twisted. sometimes i just want to get it over with.
Jason Mraz-Plane
Drain the veins in my head
Clean out the reds in my eyes to get by security lines
Dear x-ray machine
Pretend you don't know me so well
I wont tell if you lied
Cry, cause the droughts been brought up
Drinkin' cause you're lookin so good in your starbucks cup
I complain for the company that I keep
The windows for sleeping rearrange
And I'm nobody
Well who's laughin now
I'm leaving your town again
And I'm over the ground that you've been spinning
And I'm up in the air so baby hell yeah
Well I can see your house from here
If the plane goes down, damn
I'll remember where the love was found
If the plane goes down, damn
Damn, I should be so lucky
Even only 24 hours under your touch
You know I need you so much
I cannot wait to call you
And tell you that I landed somewhere
And hand you a square of the airport
And walk you through the maze of the map
That im gazing at
Gracefully unnamed and feeling guilty for the luck
And the look that you gave me
You make me somebody
Ain't nobody knows me
Not even me can see it,
yet I bet I'm
I'm leaving your town again love
But I'm over the ground that you've spinning
And I'm up in the air, so baby hell yeah
Oh honey I can see your house from here
If the plane goes down, damn
I'll remember where the love was found
If the plane goes down, damn
You keep me high minded
You get me high
Flax seeds, well they tear me open
And supposedly you can crawl right through me
Taste these teeth please
And undress me from these sweaters better hurry
Cause I'm keeping upward bound now
Oh maybe I'll build my house in your cloud
Here I'm tumbling for you
Stumbling through the work that I have to do
Don't mean to harm you
By leaving your town again love
But I'm over the ground that you've been spinning
But I'm up in the air, said baby hell yeah
Oh honey I can see your house from here
If the plane goes down, damn
I'll remember where the love was found
If the plane goes down, damn
I'll remember where the love was found
If the plane goes down, damn
Well I'll remember where the love was found
If the plane goes down, damn
Who do you
Think you are, are, are, are
To keep me so oh cold, cold
You keep me high minded
You keep me high minded
You get me high minded
You get me high
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