Don't read this entry. really. especially if you have a penis. a)its pointless and b) just don't.
well i guess you can if you want. but i warned you.
i was looking for free kittens/puppies on craigslist and i found some that were litter box trained so i emailed them.. and those bastards didn't email me back!
timmy took my car to work yesterday. and its a good thing he did. he was just going to fix the power steering thingy cuz it was making noise and the back door because you can't open it from the outside. but theeeeeeeennn he heard a NEW noise. apparently.. some sort of bolt from nowhere found its way into my timing belt place and chewed it all up.. or something. i think thats what he said happened. but thats like reeeeally bad and it could have made my engine just stop out of nowhere. and if anyone knows how dangerous THAT is, its me... when my little toyota trecel just stopped on Plum Canyon, a busy hill street, and i started rolling backwards and having to dodge cars :{ and i almost died...
i had a weird dream last night.. and God.. yes God.. wanted me to die. and i was all out of it and everything was getting blurry like i was about to and i was trying to tell him to wait until timmy came so i could say goodbye.. so then i died. in my dream. but in real life i woke up and usually i wake up and timmy is next to me, or i hear him in the shower, or he's waking me up to say bye.. but he wasn't there and i couldn't hear him and i really thought i was dead.. what? it was creepy.
so yesterday i passed out...
i've been avoiding this topic for quite some time now and I can't take it anymore.. i need to get it out somewhere and i don't care who reads.. if its too personal.. cover your eyes and skip to the next paragraph or something.. cuz thats what diaries are for. soooooo ok i wont explain why i passed out the last time but it was explained in entry 1018.. however i left out a small and important detail.. words. i had been reading about TSS and THAT is what started it all. So anyways.. now that everyone is too confused I'm sure to continue.. we haven't had sex. yeah yeah.. its been a week and 1-2 days and still no sex. well thats not entirely true i guess there have been attempts.. but. it was all trial and error. because HOLY HECK.. it is like trying to squeeze an elephant through the eye of a needle.. no joke. I'm not talking that "hurts so good" nonsense.. whoever wrote that song had a penis.. and is an idiot. because it is the most excruciating pain I've ever felt.. in life. And I'm not a virgin. close. I am with tim. it was our first time. But in october when we broke up, i was with that stupid jerk jason who just wanted to get in my pants.. and he did. and we did. twice. and it hurt then too. and i really hate myself for that but i chose to look on the bright side and think.. at least the bad part was with someone like.. that. i heard it only hurts the 1st or 2nd times and then its fine. wrong. way wrong. i don't know who said that but they are an idiot too. or they just have a huge vag. or maybe they're right and its just been so long since that jason person that my vag closed up and I'm a virgin again.. idk. maybe its because that jason person had a tiny tod and my timmy.. does not :/ yeah whatever, good for him. well to be fair, that jason person wasn't even that small. oh wait.. this has a point.. so i was doing some light research. actually all it took was 1 webpage. it was some forum with people talking about "stuff".. and i'm reading... everything is fine.. and a few things make me cringe here and there but its all good.. my head was hurting pretty bad but I've been more prone to headaches lately so i figured that was all it was. i get to the end of the page and i have a shooting pain in my forehead/eyebrow area.. and im holding my head and with my hands over my eyes... and when i let go.. everything is grey! this could only happen twice to someone like me.. so i FREAK out which makes everything blurrier and i'm reaching around for my phone but i can barely see anything and i freak out some more.. and then i'm really stupid and stand up because i thought laying down would help. so i'm walking to my bedroom and i just lose it. when i woke up, i was in my hall way. who knows how long i was out. 5 minutes.. 5 seconds. idk. it was scary... all that from.. reading. beware. this isn't just a diary.. dun dun dun..
anyways. I think thats enough of that. I don't think i could possible get more personal than that. ever. but its me we're talking about so who really knows for sure.
besides that, being married is great. tim is so affectionate. and i feel a lot closer. its a weird feeling knowing you're going to be with someone forever. a good weird feeling. he seems more happy. i am more happy. yesterday we were supposed to see WALLE at 10:30. we were gonna go to sushi first. but it was going to take too long. tim got home late because he had to stay and work on my car. and he didn't even finish. bob took him home and it was like 7:30. so we didn't even leave the house until 8. so instead of waiting forever for sushi we just went to ihop. i told tim we need a new hobby.. were getting lame. he said he wishes we had a real house right now so we could work on cars in the garage. that'd be cool. i like working on cars with him. and i could have my own work area to the side.. i like building things.. his friend bob gets good deals on cars and fixes them up and sells them for lots of money.. he said he wanted to start doing that. and since he loves his car, it'd be me who gets the fixy up/nice cars.
so the plan was to bring up my drum set afterwards. and take down those ugly blinds to the dumpster. but instead i knew where we'd end up.. in bed for nap time. i know by now that if timmy gets home later than 6:30.. we can just throw all plans made for after 9 out the window.. we fell asleep until 11:45. we made his lunch.
i have health insurance now :]
i also only have 4 more bcps.. so. if my healthy insurance doesn't cover bcps.. we can only have/attempt sex for 4 more days. that planned parenting place from October gave me like 20 condoms. so we can have or not have sex, 20 times. and who knows what after that.. i know i wont be doing anything without one of the two because if sex is this bad, I'm never having a baby.
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i was bored and i went to my old live journal and i was watching the videos i posted. they were from everwood. they made me laugh. because i was/and kinda still am obsessed. i like love stories. i like that can't live without u feeling. i feel incomplete without it.
i think tonight i realized... actually i shouldn't say realized because i knew.. obviously.. but it just hit me harder than ever.. we're soul mates. and we're going to love each other for the rest of our lives, at all costs. i guess i realized how much he must love me tonight. and all we did was see a movie. haha o speaking of which! I LOVE the incredible hulk :D I love everything about it. I love Liv Tyler she's gorgeous. I love Ed Norton, he's sexy, i think its his voice. or something. I love the story. i love the color green. i love monsters fighting in the rain on top of buildings. i did not like being left hanging at the end but it looks, as with most comic movies.. a sequel is coming.. hee.
i love timmy andddddd its time for the cuddle bugs.. his words not mine :p
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