[50]hand to hand

by ilickdoorknobs
today was good till I made it gay. Well, Brett came over and we didn't really spend to much time together cuz I washed my hair and had to blow dry it before uturn and vacuum and such. Yeah, I felt bad. I had the biggest urge to watch my best friends wedding today. I love that movie and hate it more... or love it more.. i hate the ending. but overall ts pretty woot-worthy. Tonite was weird. I acted weird. Yes, I know I am always weird, but I was extreme weird... o well. Its not like it matters... it shouldn't matter actually. I dont know why I am so bothered by things that don't matter. I shouldn't be. I'm not, because it doesnt matter.. yet... yet it does. I need help! I really think I am going crazy and there really is no need to be... what is wrong with me? I feel like crying right now and I dont even know why... is that not creepy? well its creeping me out. I just need to sleep. I have been up thinking too long. But I am wide awake. nvm... I'll just go bang my head against the floor and try to cry and maybe eventually fall asleep from exhaustion... sounds exciting eh? not really but its the only thing I can think of to do where I wont think of things I shouldnt be thinking about... or should i? UHG! confusion is coming to me from every dirrection and I can't take it all.. I am too stupid for this.. and and, and no thats it, just stupid. I need to do something about these feelings because i am letting thigs just bottle up inside of me that i have no clue where from or why they came and its really starting to get to me. I have a headache. Yes, if you haven't guessed it, this diary entry is just jeni complaining and rambling on into nothingness. O boy! How fun? sorry, but I dont have anything to write except what I wrote. I guess in other news.. i got 40 dolars today. cool beans in a can. yeah. Gosh I really am messed up right now... I have been since, I cant remember... since a couple days ago... ohhh eem geee! thats it!! Its my time of the month and therefor I am going completely psychotic! It all makes sense now.. and yet it makes absolutely no sense. I just shouldnt listen to myself until next week. Until then, all these emotions are just stupid meaningless garbage with nothing better to do but tourment me. I dont care if me being on my period grosses you out people.. thats life. and life sucks. Heh, its weird cuz its never effected me so much before. But yea anywho, woot. problems solved... kinda. I still feel crappy. eh, I'm gonna go sleep or something. nite.
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