Listening to: eisley- my lovely
whyyyyyyyyy do you wait on me?
whyyyyyyyyy do you wait on me?
I'm feeling alone without you heeere,
By my side
I'm lost and alone without you heeeere
In my aaaaarms.
ohhhhhhh... ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Heeeeere's a song for you lovely
REmember thaaat, it is, for yOu Only.
For yOu Only
My heaaaaart was caught in a landsliiiide
And nooooow, it feels fOr yOu Only
FOr yOu Only
yeah...
ooOOooOOOoohaaaaaah... ooOOooOOOoohh aahhhh
i like that song. she's lucky. the singer. she knows what her heart feels.
_____________________________________________
i tried to talk to andres. it didnt really work.
i am so angry. i hate it. and things keep piling up on top of each other and overlapping and its crazy. so instead of trying to analyze and explain it all in detail. i guess I'll just list some of what's in my head. cuz some things.. i cant even explain.
.andres said itd be easier for him to be my friend if i stopped talking to brett.
.andres said brett cant come to my graduation or graduation party
.andres' stupid picture. not the picture itself but just cuz he has a double standard for everything.
.andres' need to make me jealous
.andres' friends... tushar is an idiot. and how andres didnt stand up for me. but im pretty much over that so nvm.
.dreams about boys aka brett and andres
.dreams about jay keep bringing back disturbing memories and intense flash backs which cause me to question things about myself and present situations. also brings back feelings of depression and anger. trying hard not to fall back into that.
.only brett understands those kinds of things and i am not able to talk to him (things like jay and my purity)
.God isnt listening 2 me and definately not answering me
.i think brett met someone. and its bugging me cuz im not sure. he wouldnt say. just "we'll talk later" but the payphone didnt work so i havent talked to him since
.mother is being a jerk
.graduation nonsense
.cant stop crying
.i think i should stop talking to andres. cuz he confuses me and i dont want to confuse him. i dont want to lead him on if we're just friends cuz i cant see it becoming anything else. especially not right now. but its hard cuz he lives here and church and everything.
.i have an "i dont care" attitude about everything. everything.
.havent had a period in a long time
.and mostly. im an idiot.
later