last night me and timmy had the worst fight ever. i thought it was over. after i left i sat in my car for a long time wondering where to go. I called manuel to ask him to open the door. he said he would but he had a friend over.. but i needed to talk. so i told him nvm. i turned around and went back home to talk to timmy. he's my best friend. when ur sad u go to ur best friend for comfort right? its just awkward when their also the one who made u sad in the first place. but. after a bunch of stuff... he went in the other room and when he got back, he put my ring back on my finger. timmy's right. it is hard. everything is soo hard for us. We've been thru so much. more than a lot of people ever go thru before marriage. stuff that people wont ever go thru. we're realizing how much we need each other. timmy can sleep thru anything.. but last night was the first time he couldnt sleep without me. we talked until almost about 3:30in the am. and went to sleep. timmy called PDK today. PDK said he was busy and he's going to call tim back tomorrow morning. I was really suprised that he did that so fast. we decided on some things for our wedding. like we both want outdoor wedding. but i think i might like an indoor reception better. and we want it around dusk. and we're not having a reception dinner, just tons and tons of gourmet desserts. And a huge cake. and to make it special for timmy too, i wana get a guitar shaped cake, and a nintendo game controller cake. their cute. timmy's going to call him mom for some pictures to put in a slide show of us from babies to engagement pictures to actual wedding day pictures. i was really emotional about who would give me away after i walk down the isle... i mean.. its been really hard. i dont know where my dad is and even if i did.. i wouldnt want him to do it. i dont even know him. i used to think jason would do it. but when we announced our engagement he said "the most i'm doing at ur wedding is serving drinks" I knew he meant that he wasnt walking me down the isle. and just that he said that makes me not even want him to. i was getting really depressed about walking down the isle myself. and then i saw this thing on a wedding ideas website that just completely symbolizes our relationship. I'm just going to walk half way and wait for him and then he'll walk to me and we'll walk up the rest of the way together. Tim said he loves the idea. he also likes the ideea of me getting a step stool for the "kiss the bride" part. hehe. cuz im such a midget. my cousins from missouri are coming out tomorrow so i will have all 4 of my girl cousins (minus amelia who is my flower girl) around at one time. on sunday my mom is taking me, the girls, manuel and tim to some bridal shops in ventura. manuel and tim can go to the thrift shops. and then we're going to the beach with the church. i miss those church beach day things. last time we played football and one of the jr high boys said i was as strong as 5 guys. lol. its funny cuz its true. well maybe not anymore.. im so weak :( no muskles. i applied at select personnel. i dunno how thats gonna work out.. but hopefully they get me some work soon. well i think im done.