I had an appointment at the Department of Rehabilitation today. They lady i met with was really nice. She said there are 3 levels of elligability. The 3rd one is a waiting list. And the 1st and 2nd are the most elligible. She said I would be 1 or 2. So that's good. She has to talk to my psychologist before she knows what one tho. She told me I should look into getting social security benefits and vocational schools.

I am really feeling good about all this.. like.. figuring it all out.. for once. And Tim has been so supportive. He's amazing and wonderful and understanding and patient. I said on the phone today "i know that it cost a lot at first to get the diagnosis but..." and he interrupted and said "its worth it". I was about to say "but I think it will be worth it". its just nice to hear him say it too. Its nice to know he feels the same. And that he doesn't think its a waste of time or money. No one could love me like he does. No one gets me like he does. He's my best friend. He makes me sane. He's one of those rare husbands that gives you a lump in your throat just thinking about how lucky you are to have them :)

Although its been great getting this stuff done.. its also a little frustrating. I'm glad there are resources available to me... and how easy it is to do all this.. but at the same time.. its hard not to get a little mad... that no one told me before.. why didn't anyone help me in school.. instead of tell me I wasn't trying. that i was lazy. That I was "smart but not applying myself". I told the person I met with today that i heard that a lot. And she was asking me questions for this form.. like what i have problems with.. and she asked about different things.. one was "learning/reading".. and i said no. and she was like "well.. didn't you say you failed a lot of classes in high school and college (especially english)" and i was like yeah.. but.. and she said that sometimes when someone gets ill or hurt.. they know how it was before.. so they know they are ill or hurt. that it isn't normal. they know the difference. but with something like aspergers.. your born with it. so it is "normal" to me.. so maybe i do have a problem.. but i don't know because i can produce the same results as others but maybe it takes twice as much effort.. that made a lot of sense. Because even now, after my diagnosis.. i think "i feeeel normal"... its weird to think of myself having autism at any level. but its all i know. She said I have learned to cope.. i put in 200%. Its nice to hear people say things like that. Like getting recognition for once. instead of being called lazy.. or as my mother would say "half ass-ing" everything. But I am so angry with the school system. Because I feel like they gave me the same treatment as the real losers.. the druggies and ditchers and kids that just didnt give a shit. I cared.. I wanted to do well in school. It was overwhelming. And I didn't know how to explain that to people.. without sounding like i was making excuses. I don't want that to happen to anyone else in my situation. I want to like.. write a letter or something just sayin what they did wrong. And what would help instead of making things a whole lot worse. I guess that's all i can do. I can't think about what ifs. its too frustrating. And a little sad.

So anywho. I got home and called the pyschiatrists that my psychologist recommended. (so that they could figure out the best treatment.. if any) out of 2, one was just for workers comp. and the other wasn't available until february 10th. I made the appt anyways but that's over a month! Gotta go look into Social Security benefits.. that would help so much.

In less important news... Jefri is so cute when he dreams. He snorts. He's a lil piggy bear :}

Erycka is trying to talk my Aunt and Uncle into letting her stay with me and Timmy for the summer. I hope they say yes but I'm not counting on it. My Aunt thinks I'm a loser or something. She thinks I'm a kid. She'll probably come up with some lame reason why.. but I know the real reason. Same reason why she wouldn't come to my wedding but she is going to Uncle Ricky's. it made me so mad when Erycka told me. But i didn't say anything.. otherwise she definitely would not let Erycka stay with us. But afterwards I am going to let her know how much it sucks. Seriously.. "well we'd be able to in a year".. year passed.. "well.. uh uh uh.." and now all of a sudden.. whatever. screw it. not thinking about it. Why does it surprise me? Its my family.. typical. lol I'd be surprised for things to be any different.

I want a baby. >.>

<.<

>.>

I hate being mature enough to know its not the right time yet. I wish I was still stupid sometimes.. just so i can say I didn't know better.

O speaking of baby. I am taking prenatal vitamins to make my hair grow faster. We'll see how that goes. I hope there aren't any adverse side effects.. O.o The girl who cut my hair told me she used them when she was growing her hair out and it was fine so.. yeah.

My Name is Earl is so gay.. but a guilty pleasure.. it always makes me laugh.. i dunno why. Uhg its so dumb.

lol..

Earl's brother: ...we're sober enough if I can steer that remote control car without crashing..

Earl: That's a cat...

I'm so gay