you know, when people have doubts in you... it kinda forces you, or at least encourages you, to rethink your whats the word? oi. well, it just makes you thinkg. alot. I was talking to my mom. and I didnt even say anything about whats going on and she just started saying all this stuff.. and the pattern with her is... she always says things and I dont like it cuz of the way she says it... but sometimes its true. alot of the time. maybe she's right? maybe I should use this time to think myself. and stop being so "leechy". thats not me. If theres one word people would describe me as it would be "independent"... it was just a fluke. but I am independent. my grandma told me in the car on the way to the metro in lancaster, that I am going to be successful in life because I am so independent. and I have a need to be independent. omg. it just happened. like a sudden feeling of relief... I just went from.. wow... that was just so weird... i have felt so empty and so alone.. and now... Im just over it. Im fine. I said i was fine before but that was different. i was fine with the situation... and now. Im ok. I'm still empty yeah but i dont feel like it and Im definatly not alone. I feel good. all day, i was thinking how i just wish i could change things so that andres would love me like he used to... but ya know what... as much as i would love that, I'll be fine without it. I had this constant need to BE with someone... and its gone. I dont have to be with anyone. Andres wants to be my friend... ok. ironic. but ok nonetheless. i love that word... nonetheless. anyways, but yeah, dont get me wrong tho... if he were to have a change of heart or something.. for whatever reason... I'd be overwhelmed with happiness let me tell ya. but, if not... its ok. Im a girl. Im not supposed to pursue a boy. I used to be old fashioned and something changed. so I'm going back. and we'll just see what happens.

besides. he isnt interested in me anymore anyways. whats the point?