I got a comment from hellxangel and I read her diary. and it was this song. I love this song and it kinds explains my mood. I guess songs can have multiple meanings for different peoples. right now it feels like everything just went completely wrong and no one understands me and i just want to crawl in a hole and die sometimes. and i know im not the only one. and i just wish people could see inside me and understand where Im coming from and why i do certain things. or why I dont. I just wish everyone knew my thoughts and my motives and there'd be no need for explanations.....

And I'd give up forever to touch you

Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

Cause sooner or later it's over

I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me

Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me

Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

today was crazy. I know everyone thinks they know what is going on in my head. its easy to make assumptions. but no one has a clue until they are actually in my position. i know I have hurt alot of people. But I never meant to and I dont mean to and if I could I'd go back and do anything id have to do differently to make this better. but i cant. and I cant help how i feel... or dont feel. sal is starting to really tick me off. he always says he doesnt want to be in the middle. and me and brett both told him that we didt want him in the middle... and yet here he is.. in the middle of stuff... and i know he is bretts friend but it doesnt matter. maybe if it was anyone else... but not sal.. cuz Im sick of him saying how stubburn i am.. when sal is the most stubburn person i know. he thinks he is so wise and has all the answers and he doesnt even know what he is doing.. so why is he telling everyone else what to do? And I dont know. whatever he said to andres had an effect because now andres is all thinky and doubtful. and its gay cuz sal told andres that he's heard everyones side.. and thats not true. he has heard bretts side and andres side but not mine. and he wont. cuz i dont want him in this at all. its not his business. ah. whatever.

my brother goes home tonite. i know Ive been mad at him for a couple days. but i still love him. and even while i was mad at him he was there for me. and when brett called today during his party thing and whatknot and i was crying and he just is there for me. to kiss my forehead and tell me everything will be ok. to stop his music in the car and sit and listen to me vent and give me advice. I take him for granted way too much. And now he's going back and Im here and i dont know. I feel more secure when he's around, i think thats the word for it. but now, Im just going to be alone in this stupid house. and i dont know what Im going to do. we go to the airport in 30 minutes. We didnt watch anchor man when I got home cuz he wanted to take a nap instead. cuz he's a tired man dude.

my tummy hurts.