well so. i guess our insurance only covers medical. apparently i have perfect 20/20 vision but my cornea's are inflamed or something. its called, keratitis. he said it could be from allergies. maybe i have allergies. other than watery eyes, i don't feel like i have allergies. o well. he prescribed me some eye drops. i don't know why Tim isn't charging his effing phone. what the hell. _______________________________________ I have to tell Timmy. This is in case I fall asleep: uhg i feel like i want to sock myself in the face.. for wasting my time on that.. that's the last time i bring in a 3rd party to hurt someone who hurt me. especially someone i utterly hate with every fiber of my being. ok not hate hate. but God... how can God make someone who just doesn't GET anything. is he serious? or is he joking? is he blind? he is so.... i don't even want to get into what he is so. i will tell Tim in the morning.. its almost time for him to get up. i was angry. but it was so not worth it. i should have just stuck with the cold shoulder or got over it. i mean i am over it sort of. it hurts. but we had a nice evening and we were fine again and everything was back to normal. i mean... i can never be angry at him for too long... not my Timmy. i don't want it to go back and forth. even if it was nothing even worth mentioning. i thought i wanted to lie to Tim, because he lied to me. but no. i don't. God it was exhausting trying to not kill myself mid conversation. this person is clearly the devil... I wont cover it. I can own it. I talked to Brett. Just like friends and we played pool on yahoo and talked about i dunno.. skinny ties he got Christmas. but the bastard has a gf and he tells me that talking to him was giving him not butterflies but teradactles. (i cant spell that word.) but you don't say that to someone when you have a gf and we have a history and it was HIM who wanted to stop talking so that he wouldn't say those things anymore.. and what does he do?.... and no one was welcoming comments like that. i told him he was sort of being disrespectful of me and tim, and more to his gf. but apparently he doesn't see that as disrespectful. i told him it was a feeling.. an opinion and he didn't have to agree. but he is so damn stubborn and u HAVE to agree with him or else... its ridiculous. i asked him not to say crap like that since it'd be a little hypocritical.. (complicated) and he is like "if that's what you want" eff you asshole. what an asshole. what the hell does that MEAN?? like if i had said otherwise then he would find no problem saying things like that and worse to me.. and disrespecting everyone around him. Thank baby Jesus for Tim. heh baby Jesus. he can own what he does. he lied yeah. and i had to be clever to find out . but it wasn't huge. the lying was huge. and the fact that it was a day after the other thing. and the whole "how" thing. but i know his heart. he is the best person i know. and i know that wont change. and i know he is sorry. and i know it was stupid but... i was hurt. and i wanted to hurt him and that it stupid!! it was just talking like friends with the exception of his stupid comment. but it wasn't worth it. it wasn't worth upsetting Tim.. because i knew it would and that's why i said hi to Brett. uhg. I don't want to be friends with a person like that. and after i told him nothing he says effects me how it used to and that we can be friends and talk to each other like friends.. he says "ok I'll go" because its always... not talking, or inappropriateness... that's all for him. he never wants to be friends. he can't. not even with a gf. i thought maybe that would enable him to keep it friendly... but its all or nothing for him. all he cares about is himself. no one else and even so, even if he was a great person.. why? he wouldn't be half the person Tim is so why risk it with words? why risk my husbands trust for such a horrible persons friendship? when he doesn't even want friendship... no isn't capable of friendship. no.. he doesn't give a damn about people. not even his gf. he is probably the worst person i know of. uhg uhg uhg uhg. i want to wake Timmy up right now and just... die. I'm sorry. I'm stupid but I love you and I'm going to bake you a cake? bah... and aim to be less stupid in the future. you are my everything on earth. you are my gravity. you are more important than any stupid person who has hurt me repeatedly!!!.... no comparison. no nothing. i am crumby. friend over husband? RUBBISH! i like weird words. uhg uhg uhgggggggggggggg. its 5am. ok well. that said... the night wasn't bad. Timmy came home. i was angry at him. we ate panda express and then we talked. i can't be upset with him. i was so upset but i just pulled him to me.. i didn't want to cry into a pillow. i wanted him to hold me. even if it was him who hurt me. i love him. we watched a movie. cuddled. before going to bed he put on an old t shirt and i covered him with duct tape. i made a mannequin and stuffed it with an old pillow. now i can make the clothes i want to make.. i have to pick up my prescription tomorrow. the place seemed a little shady to me.. the whole.. we don't have vision coverage thing... its not true. we do have coverage. damn. we have to deal with it every time. i think they just said that... i don't even think the lady actually called the number Tim gave her.. i love my guitar. i like it because its so loud... but. that also is a problem. at night. when i want to play mostly... and i cant because I'll wake everyone up. boo.