Listening to: frou frou-shhhh
This is why we dont have nice things
I guess it's where we had to let it end,
It seems our best intentions came up shorting us again,
Can you see the sunset from your highway?
And can you leave those plans for us behind?
Cause broken hearts they mend,
To fall in love again,
You won't see me breaking,
When I leave your keys there,
on the nightstand,
And lock the door so I can't walk in,
And make sense of this,
When there's no sense to this,
When I break a window,
Cut my hand,
Shattered glass, I'll climb back in,
Lose my head again,
Wonder where it ever went,
This is where we found ourselves again,
The same old resolution loses meaning once again,
And can you see the sunset in New Jersey?
And can you leave that place we knew behind?
Cause love it tries to bend,
The breaking point within,
You won't catch me waiting,
When I leave your keys there, on the nightstand,
And lock the door so I can't walk in,
And make sense of this,
There's no sense to this,
When I break a window,
Cut my hand,
Shattered glass, I'll climb back in,
Lose my head again,
Wonder where it ever went,
Wonder where you went,
There's times I can't pretend,
That I felt home again,
So I'll keep waiting,
When I leave your keys there, on the nightstand,
And lock the door so I can't walk in,
And make sense of this,
There's no sense to this,
When I break a window,
Cut my hand,
Shattered glass, I'll climb back in, Lose my head again,
Wonder where it ever went,
Wonder where we went,
Wonder where we went,
When I leave your keys there, on the nightstand (Wonder where we went)
And lock the door so I can't walk in,
And make sense of this (Wonder where we went)
Cause there's no sense to this,
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that song reminded me of me and tim. only not in a sad way. i just know what the singer means cuz i was just there. makes me feeel good knowing i'm not the only one who has their world fall apart.. and doesnt get it. but then i hear other songs and they are over it and better for it. its nice knowing they can bounce back. even if its not the singers feeelings. SOMEONE had to feel that way to write the song..
i have bigger problems than tim right now.. i'm dating someone. i think we're exclusive but who knows. were definately not "a couple" or anything.. and thats probably my fault because i said i wanted to take things slow because of the whole getting over tim thing. but we had sex. which in my opinion.. is pretty much the exception to not being a couple after a break up. or whatever it was. and ya know.. we'll probably end up having sex again. so idk i think we should either be a couple or stop dating.
he lives to far away. i feel like i just had to get over someone which is ridiculous.. but now i have to miss someone all the time? suck. why cant he live closer? its the worst.
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5:30p
so i saw jason's show last ngiht. i'm so glad he was funny.. lol he was the host so its not the same as performing. but he was funny and it was such a relief. cuz i would hate to lie to him or tell him he sucked. i liked it a lot. i liked the people. I met some of the comedians. they were cool. I just wish i wasnt soo.. closed last night. I was soo quiet and to myself. enough to make one of the guys say "gotta get in here" like in the conversation. cuz i would go to say something and stop. they talk fast. i kinna slow :] then we went to get some food. and then i went home.
i gotta go vacuume
and run
and take a showerrrrr
and clean my room
and fill out aps
and design more shirts and purses..
so much to do.
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11;40p
i feel like every sentence i say and every action i take.. is giving him permission to be a jerk and take advantage. not that he has.. just.. i feel like I am making it an option. i dont want to.. but its like I'm being taken over. I guess i justify it by telling myself its inevitable anyways. all guys are jerks. i mean.. look at tim. he was a "nice guy" supposedly.. but look what happened.. so i guess i just figure.. if I cant prevent it from happening.. why not allow it instead... instead of being taken by surprise.. its just in my hands. I think i'd rather be a little out of control but by my own will.. instead of waiting and depending on someone else's behavior. if its good.. great. if not.. i knew better and it was my fault.... i think im going psycho.
i just got off the phone with him. he's cute but.. guys are so oblivious. its silly. actually its kind of obnoxious. and he's soo busy all the time that i feel like i cant have a serious conversation ever.. just hi laugh haha how are you great. ok bye. its weird how an hour of laughs and randomness can go by soo quickly and by the time i muster up enough courage to say anything worth mentioning.. he has to go. not that he knew it was coming. just my luck i guess. maybe im not ready for this. i feel fainty. i think im going to take a walk. i need to get some fresh air before i suffocate.
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