so me and timmy have had an interesting month.. but we always get thru everything.. i was a moron. and did stupid things. but he understood and loves me anyways. even when im stupid. actually he was just really wonderful.. a little too wonderful. hopefully he isnt holding stuff inside and not tell me.. and then years go by and it build up until he hatesme and wants to put knives in my breakfast. hmm. but yeah.. we talked about moving our weddingg day to sometime in May. Plane tickets to Florence are cheaper in May. (cuz it isnt during wedding season. *ahem* I knew this but sometimes guys just like to find stuff out on their own) which is great cuz then i dont feel like im pressuring or anything. I was fine with August. well. fine.. not great. I mean i would love to be married now. i was hoping it was sooner rather than later. and with money issues and stuff.. by august seemed like wishful thinking. i was dreding anything past august. timmy's exact words were "no later than august". but now, MAYbe it will be May :)woot. I'm happy. Honestly. it is kind of hard to think of a wedding without family. but honestly-er.... had things with my family not ended how they are now, I would want nothing but a wedding here that included them and everything.. but things ended up like this and i think its just the best way. for every one. Cuz they arent even excited for me. and also.. if we had a wedding here, tim's family would feel left out. and if we did it in Colorado, my family would.. well most of them anyways. and i just dont want to deal with it. Its kinda sad in a way. not having my cousins as my bridesmaids like i planned. and not having amelia as my flower girl. and clearly not having jason give me away... but really, those were the most important things and i feel like.. its ok that i dont get them. cuz its like people would probably gossip about us the whole time anyways. and say "why is she wearing white?" and think im not a virgin (even tho i am) and stuff and you know.. maybe i dont deserve to wear white anymore. virgin or not. but Im going to and i would rather do it without the talk. also, presents... normally people just get you house stuff. but we pretty much already have everything we need. I guess Im just saying we wouldnt really be missing much. and who else can say they got married in florence.. or even paris or wherever we end up chosing.. my mom said she thinks that we should just get married. as soon as possible. like as simple as simple can be... and then have a real "wedding ceremony" with friends and family when we can affford it and handle it. she said just do it so we can get our life going and get back in church and stuff. so i dont have this guilt all the time. so that people wont talk anymore... in a way i agree. she's right. it would be better, but also.. i kinda think ehh. that would just take all the excitement out of it for when we would get married. thru the whole ceremony people would be like "arent they already married?? why are we here?" but it would be nice. my ring is at zales right now. its getting resized. theys aid it would be ready at 10 am. and then tim went to pick it up while i was at work and they said it wouldnt be ready till pm. so im just gonna get it tomorrow. or today. it was 2 sizes too big. it was a 7 and im actually a 5. i think im a 5 1/2. the guy said its supposeed to fit how the 5 fit but i jus like it a little looser. but 7 was way too loose. yeah im boring what of it? but yeah i keep thinking i lost it. like yesterday i was doing dishes and a penny fellin the sink and i could have sworn it was my ring. Im tired, but i dont feel like sleeping. thats been happening a lot lately. im weird. ok bye.