tim is in colorado now.
I just got back from work.
he's been really great and stuff. but uhg. i know he didnt want me to go with him. maybe he did for a split second in the beginning when we planned on going together. but then he thought about it or something and realized he wouldnt want me to go. cuz i guess he wants to spend time with his friends and family. alone and stuff. thats cool and such. but i wouldnt have "felt weird" like he thinks.. hanging out with his friends that is. i mean its vacation. its a week. and its over. i wish he would have just said that was the reason instead of saying it was because last week was "weird", cuz it was weird for like a day. grr. im making myself mad. i already talked to tim about this. kinda. and its over. so really i should shut my face. i guess i just dont want to be here sooooooooo bad and i want to see him sooooo much that thinking about it upsets me. and the fact that i have nothing better to do right now but complain. and well. i guess alot of it has to do withthe fact that a couple weeks ago i felt really like.. i dunno. like i dont even really know him. cuz we havent known each other that long. and im like thinking.. 'i lived with this person and i still feel like i dont reeeally know him?' thats not cool. and then the thought of going to colorado kinda of made me feel good. like calm and stuff. and i was really excited about it. cuz i could see that part of him. and get to know him more from it.. i dunno. its dumb. who cares. i guess the only thing to do now is get over it. be cool on the phone and just leave the stupid tears unseen. or heard. or whatever.
in other news.. ihate my mother. what else is new tho? she just like.. i feel bad sometimes... and i really dont even know why i bother feeling that way but i think about how lonely i feel sometimes and i think.. she has no one. but then she just ruins that thought cuz of how psychotic she is. and not only is she stupid.. after almost every fight we have.. and its alot.. she calls tim! who does that?? and this time.. she called and started yelling at him and saying its his fault i am the way i am. i mean, that kind of stuff was annoying back when i was 17 but.. this is ridiculous. it has to stop somewhere. and when i confront her about it she says that she can do whatever she wants because i do whatever i want.... WHAT? heck freaking no. if i did what i wanted.. i would be soo far from her and this god forsaken house. and even the little stuff is getting to me.. like when she got all weird cuz tim tickled my leg. for like a second. and it wasnt even i dunno. it was my knee. freaking a. she's possessed by something. seriously. i blame it on the beep.
the night before tim left i got in a fight with my mom and went over there. i cut his hair. it actually turned out pretty sexual. i like the back alot. im sure someone else could have done better on the sides. but he didnt complain tooo much lol. well he said he liked it actually. hopefully he meant it. i didnt want to go home so after his aunt took him to the airport, i slept the rest of the night in his bed. i dunno why i thought that would make me feel better. i just felt sad when i woke up and he wasnt there. but alas.. he left his hacky sack..so im gonna practice all week. cuz i suck.
tim bought me sim 2 for easter. haha an easter present. i like how it takes up my whole day. i can completely get lost in a world that i control and no mother whatsoever.. mmhmmmyeeeeah. i guess its me and the sims for a whole week. soo basically if im not online for a while. that is why.
until next time....
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