so i was looking for jaysons # today... couldn't flippin find it... until i did... at least.. i think i did. It looked somewhat familiar.. so I called this # and this dude answers and it sounds somewhat like jayson so I say "hey" and he goes "hello?" and i was like "jayson?" and he's like "uhh.. wrong #" hmm.. so either it was his # and he hates me for some reason... or it wasnt and Im dumb. But i really dont think he has any reason to hate me. besides the last time I saw him we were shib shib. so.. hmm. wrong #. must be. but gosh. I need that #. i called amy cuz she might have it but she wasnt home. doH!

I decided. I want not only to get breast enhancer pills.. but I want to get... nose surgery... yeah, i know... gross. but, i hate my nose. and oi, it looks good.. and blah. i dunno, just a thought. i also want to get my hair laser removed.. like... all my hair except the exceptable... that'd be cool. no more shaving! yay! o the need for money.

I wish i could draw good.

I played drums for an hour today. good stuff.

the girls group is doing a music video to promote girls group. A couple of the girls came over to learn a dance. heather, a professional dancer, help choreograph it. it looks pretty good. shelby and jelly are so cute when they do it cuz jelly is so short and shelby's so tall.

my mom bought jefrie a bunny leash. its sooo cute! i walked him in the front yard today.. but he wasnt really following me.. he kinda doesnt like it. kinda hates it. but he got used to it.

i redyed my hair. then i went to integrate. it was ok. i hung out with renee and monty mostly. and sherylin. we filled out these papers. i filled one out before but i didnt finish and it got lost.. so i filled out another one tonite. daniel was playing a song he wrote or something in the other room and a few of the guys were listening. austin started bopping his head.. and so i did a stupid dance move. and daren laughed and said "your amazing"... and i was like.. "amazing... im afraid to ask if thats good thing" and he said "good thing. of course." and explained that my dance moves and my outfit and hair.. equaled amazingness. i thought that was pretty cool of him to say.

Andy and Amanda might try out for next seasons american idol! lol. thatd be funny if they made it.

we went to dennys after. fun and such so that was cool.. saw becca. which was weird. she acted like all excited to see me. hmm. i could have sworn sal bashed me up so she wouldnt wanna talk to me ever again. guess not. so that's cool. shows what i know. still was kinda shocking at the time tho. hope i didnt seem rude or anything. as for sal... oi. i said hi. and he ignored me so whatever. im done investing anything into that friendship. besides. he seems to be doin fine.

Mmmmm the sweet sounds of death cab.

and when i see you... i really see you upside down. but my brain knows better, it picks you up and turns you 'round. turns you around. turns you around. if you feel discouraged. when theres a lack of color here. please dont worry lover. its really bursting at the seeeeeeams. absorbing everything. the spectrums A to Z. aaaaaaaaaaahh aaaaaaaaaaaahhh aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh.. this is fact not fiction. for the first time in years. and all the girls and every girly magazine cant make me feeeeeeeel any less alone. Im reaching for the phooooooone. to call at 7:03. and on your machine i slur a plea... for you to come hooooome. but i know its too late. i should have given you a reason to stay. given you a reason to stay. given you a reason to stay. given you a reason to staaaaaaay. this is fact not fiction. for the first time in years.

AH! I hate everyone! I hate boys especially! yes BOYS! plural! all and every! hate hate hate. why are they so stupid? jerks. whatever. i dont even want to think about it right now.