Tim said talking to me is his favorite-est. o man. last night i had major insomnia. its happened a few times before but not for a while. i pulled an all nighter.. i played halo ALL night. i sucked so bad lol i could barely keep my eyes open and they hated me because i sucked. but i had nothing else to do and i just wanted to drown out my thoughts. weeeeeeeeeee. i don't see why people who do things like smoke or drink don't do less destructive things that have basically the same effect.. like playing video games for 6 hours straight.. or playing drums. aggression is such a hard thing to release. i think i want to get into kick boxing. i wanted to a while ago but i dunno i think i might try it someday. oh gosh i was so exhausted at the end of the day. all day it was fine, i wasn't any more tired than i usually am. and then.. poof! i was exhausted. i fell asleep on the couch at 9ish to 11:30ish. i didn't wanna sleep that long. i tried to wait. now i'm not that tired. its almost 4 :/ timmy thinks its so funny when i'm that tired. he said when i was taking a nap on the couch, i was chewing my gum but i was sleeping and i dunno he thought it was funny. he is easily amuuused. we were talking tonight about how i cant seem to get myself to call people. firstly... i don't really have anyone's numbers and the only person who has them all in one place is my mother. and the whole betty jean thing. i can't call her. i don't have her number and i just feel like it should be my mothers responsibility to deal with all the people SHE brought in. i didn't mind dealing with the guests but i don't even know this lady. i don't know mark or Ruth and i barely know pam. i took care of the tara situation heh.. ew. but i don't think i should have to deal with this. it was her fault and i have to deal with it? and even if it wasn't.. if i had a wedding planner then this would be their job.. and she is the reason i do not have one. telling me i would be stupid to get one. right, and having her fill that role was so smart. probably the stupidest thing i could have agreed to. Tim and i already agreed we should give Betty jean the $200 we were going to give her and a thank you note. but i think it should be my mom who actually gives them to her or calls her to tell her whatever. and the other people because i have felt awkward the whole time when it comes to using her house. and i don't know her. at all. as for the guests... Tim brought up a nice little point.. where are the phone calls? its 3 days before an expected wedding and we haven't gotten 1. because no one cares. whatever if they want to blow it off I'll blow it off too. it wasn't even a wedding right everybody? it was just a renewing of vows. if i can get over it, so can everyone else. my grandma is such a douche bag, why does she hate me so much? what did i ever do to her? not invite my mom to MY wedding that is not even happening anymore... and BY THE WAY she was at the actual wedding. so what was the huge deal? she was the only one there.. she was our witness! she can't get herself to come to my wedding. and now she can't even send me a freaking package i asked for almost a month ago. what is her problem? i wanted to do things that now have to wait because people think they can just take their sweet time when it comes to whats important to me. but for them.. everything is NOW NOW NOW. anal holes. but anyways. we found some songs that have both guitar and drum tabs. I'm going to practice them tomorrow. it's fun to play with Timmy. i like that its something we both enjoy together.