| I havent writen for long time... haha me love you long time. YEah I was sick of writing about stupid sad stuff but life has been somewhat retarded and rather depressing BUT! thats ok! Its gonna get frikken better. I mean so much happened this week and I have 10 minutes so I cant get into it, dont really want to but writing helps me vent. But basically I hit rock bottom...I am only 17. Actually just in the last well day... I am happy. No. Im not but I can pretend. And mr worely says whatever your mind focuses on will eventuall come true. So I will just keep telling myself I am happy. And eventually I will be. I think I really scared my mom. she thinks I am psycho. Im starting to think she's right. ANd that's ok I guess, i need help. I hate being like this or whatever I am cuz I think irrationally. I think of things I never thought Id ever thinkof. Like my lesbian stage. some cutting, but no more. I dont know what you would call hitting yourself for no reason at all..., other things. Like seeing the bad person brought back all this crap from 2 years ago. the other depressing time. I suppose I am just no as strong as I thought I was. And gosh I remember my mom would say I had to deal with all that crap then or itd come up again and she was right, it doesnt go away. Just gets worst. But I am finally going to do something about it. I used to be happy. I used to have a relationship with god, but Ive been slipping and now life sucks. Hmm I wonder why. I am an idiot. I am done trying to control my life. I am miserable as it is, I think he could do better. yeah. good thinkin jeni. I am happy. in other news: daniel so wants me dammit. why cant he just admit it...wait he did. i suck. well gtg bye |
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i am happy and I know it in a canby ilickdoorknobsListening to: nothing
haha ya
wanna limbo! HOW LOW CAN U GO!