Strange things are afoot. And stuff.

Here I am at 1:30am in Colorado. Can't sleep.

Life keeps getting put on hold. Questioned. Over-analyzed. I'm so sick of over thinking every little thing. It's just the waaaaaaaay I aaaaaammm (been listening to a lot of the song so contagious by acceptance anyways....). But that's why my trip has to happen. That's why it should have already happened. Should BEEEE happening. Waiting just gives me more time to think and question and I just wanted to stop everything and DO something I want to do. In the moment. I'm worried if i wait any longer I'll end up talking myself out of it. I have a lot of opportunities to stay with people while I'm there. Jaspar has people he knows in denmark and the netherlands. My mom knows a girl in Spain and another in Finland. Monica might still be over there but maybe not. Aruné is going to be in London but might be back in the US before I go. But i might ask her if the friend she's visiting in london would be open to letting me stay with her.. her friend also worked on an organic farm in Italy so it would be cool to hear a first hand experience and see if she could connect me with the same farm since she had such a great time.

I was talking to tim's grandma.. the one who makes me nervous and i can never think of what to say.. and when i do say anything she squints her eyes and furrows her brow and says "i cant hear you.. can you hear her???" Uhg.. its not annoying... It's embarrassing. But anyways.. i eventually started shouting and without ever mentioning my plans... traveling randomly came up and she was telling me about all the different places she'd been. All over Europe and Asia and Australia and africa. She said if you can afford to travel.. do it because it is amazing. But it makes you appreciate the united states. I asked her what her favorite place she had been to was and she said she liked hong kong. And i think Egypt.

Tomorrow is going to truly suck. Don't get me wrong.. i am happy tim gets to spend time with his family and i want to and everything but its so stressful and awkward. Tim's mom's side is going to get together at his grandmas.. at least 10 people. 10 people I hardly know. And know even less what to say to. I cant ever seem to get close to any of them. And i will be running on less than 5 hours of sleep probably because I cannot freaking sleep grr. Whyyyy you no go to sleep brain? I did hear talk of smothered burritos and that makes my tummys heart flutter. My tummy holds its own heart. It's a mini heart and it sparkles. Powered by candy and powdered sugar. I'm extremely surprised i dont have diabetes. And extremely thankful.

Speaking of things I love.. that are of the non edible persuasion.. my current mini obsessions of the week... the band acceptance and owl city. Jason Vega from acceptance and owl city's Adam Young make my heart soar. Or sore. Either is accurate. Owl city has been rotating in and out of obsessionation for years but recently he's made his way in more often than not. Adam Young is amazering by the way. I could listen to him sing, talk or breathe awkwardly in the dark for hours.