So I went to bed early last night cuz I am still still grounded and I was talking to vannessa and my mom took my phone away so I had nothing better to do. Sleep is good. I got 3 phone calls at the wee hours of the night. I think it was Brett but they didnt leave a message or anything. I called one back but it was disconnected and the other ones were unknown numbers. if it wasnt him and I call sal's cell again I'll just feel annoying... so I'll just wait till he wants to talk to me today. make that an if he wants to talk to me today. I need to talk to him. This whole "thing" he did is bugging the heck out of me. Rawr. The Dead Milkmen ease my pain. No really they do. I was in a crappy mood last night and after 2 songs I was so hyper. I was talking to jenae and I couldnt stop laughing. Maybe I am just lying to myself. But thats ok I dont think myself minds too much. Audrey and Jenae are coming over today! YAY! I misses them both. I wish vannessa could come too. But her mom hates me. My brother wrote me another email. I miss him. He is really home sick and that makes me miss him more. I want him to be home. He is missing my life. And everything thats gone on in the last 2 years. And my 16th and 17th bday's. Probably my 18th too. And my first boyfriend and just the person I have become. I am completely different from when he left. Well I had a weird dream last night. But I cant remember most of it, like usual. But the bad person was in it. I hugged him but I didnt want to but I couldnt control the dream me and it was weird. weeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiirdd. my mo is driving me crazy. She is very over prtective and I understand why. With what happened and because of who it was... I would be parinoid too. And I would be protective of my daughter too. I mean I am her baby and I am also very naive. BUT! I am 17 and I am capible of making good decisions. And even if dont she has to let me screw up on my own. SHe can control everything about me because I am 17 and still live under her roof but when it comes to brett, she shouldnt be telling me what I should and shouldnt be doing and just trust the morals she instilled in me. And she shouldnt tell me how i should or shouldnt feel about him. Because these are my feelings and she has no idea how I am feeling. I know I am not in love. And I wont be for a long time. But she is way too parionoid about this. I am grounded right now, and even when wasnt I didnt say anything about the crazy nonsense that she sad or did because I was trying to be understanding and tried to put myself in her shoes. But she crossed the line and I dont mean peed her pants. She needs to let me grow up and screw up or wont ever grow up and I wont ever learn. And when I am on my own I will fall apart. I think she is just scared of losing me. She "lost" jason to the army and she doesnt have a boyfriend or husband. I am all she has left. And love isa strong feeling. ANd if I fall inlove with brett, she thinks she'll lose me forever. Especially since she thinks I hate her. I dont like her at all, but I love her. I am trying to tolerate her more and more. she is my mom. but anyways I am done now. No I am not but I am tired. byes